seven videos to procrastinate with

my brain is dead this past week and I can’t think of any creative post outcomes so I decided to show you what I watch when I’m procrastinating  for hours.

  1. how to be a disney princess things

2. people stereotyping each other

3. people telling their parents how they lost their virginity (which I found strangely funny)

4. polygamy documentaries, weirdly interesting.

5. watching youtube couples marry and divorce on youtube.

6. Theresa May (pointless politics and videos)

 

Have fun kiddos,

Astrid xxx

aka. Hideaway Girl xxx

explained.

Hi, everyone! So I have to get up at 5AM to get to school to go to London for a Jack the Ripper trip thing at the National Archives. I’m not really looking forward to it because most of the people are going are annoying so it will mostly me and Lily rolling my eyes 24/7. I want to talk about my last blog post which was probably the most personal poem I’ve written and people might think I’m overreacting but people around me have recognised this as a problem.

Since I was around 11, after one of my friends died of cancer, I developed this thing where I had to do certain things to get rid of my thoughts and fears, this began as little stuff as turning the light switch 3 times before going to the loo, not stepping on cracks or clicking my fingers every few minutes; stuff like that. I could easily hide it as they were only little movements and I could make a rubbish excuse to do it. However, in my brain, I have this female voice (it might be me but it sounds more sophisticated) which would tell me if I didn’t do this certain thing something bad would happen (sometimes it would be specific or I would have a panic sense of fear which would be unexplained for expect I would have to do this certain action.)

I don’t know the cause to why this started to happen as I was a pretty happy child even though one of my friends died, I thought I was coping okay so I didn’t tell anyone. I thought it was me making myself be overdramatic and it would stop soon, although this is happening now to me.

Going from Primary school to Secondary school was overwhelming. Most of my friends went to another secondary school and would only see them one day a week. I found it especially hard about making new friends and having so many people there. I was from a small school with 200 pupils to a big school (with teenagers up to 18 years old and over 1000 pupils) that crowd the torrider. I didn’t really know how to make friends and I was quite a weird character (I’m still weird, but I mean I was weird weird). I knew an insight to life that many didn’t have which made me more sensitive than most which was good in some ways but others, not so because being mature than most separated me from the crowd. This might be a factor to why my pressuring thoughts got worse.

I got my first key which made my walk to school even longer as I walk up the street and back to double check the door incase a man comes in to rob the house and discovers my mother is in there having her breakfast and kills her. It’s pretty insane when I back to it because in this small town, it would never happen.

Around that time, I started getting a hallucination kinda thing where I would make myself believe I was a refugee from Syria but at the same time, I know I’m not from Syria or a refugee but my brain tells me I am… I dunno, it’s so confusing and sometimes I really really dislike myself for it because it’s so disrespectful. Luckily, I know that all of these hallucinations aren’t real but at the time these occur, they can be scary sometimes but I’ve learnt how to deal with it.

Last night, though, I began starting to wash my hands for ages because I had a fear of a deadly disease on my hands. I washed them for an hour and my hands were really red and raw from the hot water but it was more emotionally defeating than physically because it was one of the main symptoms for OCD and I have many now.

I’ve told my mum and a few of my friends about this. I will be going to the doctors in the summer holidays to sort this thing out but I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD or anything yet so I don’t want to jump to conclusion.

I’m still in two minds about this because truthfully, I feel like a pussy and need to get a grip or that I’m overreacting. But in my other mind, I need to get help because this has been happening for ages and is gradually getting worse.

What I have can be completely unnoticed by people because the symptoms are not obvious and most of it is in the mind and the forced motions can look like normal behaviour however, it takes a huge part of my everyday life.

Thank you for all being here for me. The whole two years I’ve written on here, I’ve had so much support from all of you and I know most of you will understand. However, if you know me in real life or not, I would really appreciate if you’ve got negative thoughts about me and this thing so please keep it to yourself. Apart from that, have a lovely week and I will tell you my boring adventures to the national archives.

Astrid xxx

 

 

A cycle of surprise, happiness and sadness

Hi,everyone! How exciting is it that I’m going to be having 6 weeks off from school in less than 16 days?! I’M JUMPING UP IN THE AIR FOR IT! I’ve finally finished all of my exams today; my english speaking exam and business. Did you guys have to do an english speaking test for GCSE? We had to do a presentation on a topic which interests us so I did a presentation on Grenfell Tower:how there is a line between the privileged and the unprivileged. I was shitting bricks in 1st period when I realised that we had to present today but my very supportive classmates made me go and do it first. I shuttered a few times and said ‘flammable’ wrong. Although, I didn’t get any sniggers about my mispronunciation which was very surprising. My tip for these speaking exams is to just try to go first before everyone else because 1. people will respect you more as you’ve had the courage to do it and 2. you won’t have to worry about it and can forget about it afterwards and 3. the moment you start speaking, you become a lot less anxious.

As you probably saw in a blog post or two, I was convinced that I did crap on my maths tests. However, I got top of the class for both maths papers which I think my classmates and my teacher found surprising. AND I GOT 100% ON MY PSYCHOLOGY!! So all those hours I could have been doing blogging, I was working my arse off over Freud and it was actually worth it because I was literally crying inside (of extreme happiness) over my results.

Apart from all this good news, I got fired from my job….*clap, clap, clap*. And why? Because my parents made me take time off to go to the canal boat (which I’ve complained about in many posts). So it made me lose my job but to be honest, she wasn’t a very nice boss and she triggered most of my panic attacks this year so far so I think it was best I left  got fired.

So after one day of crying and storming around the house about the loss, I decided to look at volunteering experiences for my age. I found an opportunity to work with disabled kids and give them horse riding lessons. However, I don’t know how to horse ride well so I would be doing the teas and coffees or fundraising for it. I haven’t applied for the local group yet as I have to phone them and I keep forgetting to.

On Friday, our school is having a day where we work with the community where I’m going to a care home to do gardening with the elders which I’m really excited about, I might try and see if they will have further volunteering experiences during the summer?

My dad has given me a job within his office where he works as a film director/editor thingy and I had a 4 hour shift last weekend which earned me £20 which was better than the other cafe.

AND I GOT AN INTERVIEW ON MONDAY FOR A PLAY CAFE. Yes!! I applied for another job for a children’s play cafe where I will be reading to kids, making cakes with them and so on. I don’t know if I’m going to get it or not but I’ll make sure to tell you 🙂

Anyways, so what are your plans for the summer? Are you going to be working? Travelling? Or just be watching netflix like me?

I’ll see you soon,

Astrid

aka. Hideaway Girl xxx

bad traits.

Hi,everyone! Psychology has told me that I’m an unstable extrovert which basically means that I crave attention, that I’m aggressive but also excitable which changes often. And it’s so darn accurate.

You might disagree with that. On my blog, you might see me as this lovely advice-giving person with a few weird quirks which in aspects of my life is true but you don’t see the bad traits that come with the all the bootylicious package.Being on the internet, I also have to remind myself when reading your posts or watching tv that because we don’t know them or their bad traits so we can’t always give an accurate judgement. So, I want to be as me as you can get on this blog because I don’t want people meeting me and going ‘oh she isn’t that much of an angel’.

I’m very stubborn and when it comes to decisions or opinions, I like it to go my way. When it doesn’t, I don’t have a massive go at anyone or anything but it will take time for me to get used to the idea. I like things in a particular way and it’s hard for me to let people change that. I think there’s more causes to add to why I don’t like things to change but I’ll write that in another post when I learn a little more about it.

When I’m with my friends or a big social gathering, I’ll be the one who’s grooving or terribly singing and I would say I’m kinda fun to be around, I think (unless if you get me in a debate about abortion which I agree with btw). Although I like to have time with myself after a certain time because I get so tired and drained of excitement.  It can be very confusing for people around me because they think I’m annoyed with them, however, I just get really sad after loads of fun, it’s very weird.

Secretly, I’m a jealous person and I don’t say it. I get very envious of people which makes me very competitive to do better than them which is normally to do with exams. This is one of the few things which Elle and I clash about with as both of us like to do better than the other. However, funnily enough, I don’t get competitive with my blog because I feel like I don’t have to prove myself if that makes sense?

Don’t think I’m a monster though! There is a good traits about me, I’m not completely a bad person. However, there is always stuff which isn’t entirely good in people but you learn to love both. So don’t worry if you see the bad in your friends and partners, if you can see the good over the bad, then they are fine and not man eating zombies.

Astrid xxx

aka. Hideaway Girl xxx

 

 

 

 

I’m back with exciting things!!

Hi,everyone! Most of my exams are finally over and so I’m finally free from learning top to bottom of Lord of Flies and the romantics of poetry (give me one theme and I’ll be able to snap back quotes like hot potato). This stress that I’ve enduring during this week has been massive but also, it made me freak about how freaked out I’m going to be during my actual GCSEs….hahahaha I’m screwed.

I’m still sorting out a few projects for my blog during the summer and one of those projects will be getting you guys involved with it too which I’m incredibly excited about 🙂

This blog itself has been discovered and talked about at school a little bit which I’ve had  few taking- the-piss comments but I’m going to still continue to write on this blog how I always have done because my 2 years and half work isn’t going to go to trash because of a few comments from people.

School isn’t going that well at the moment. People have been spreading stuff about me which isn’t their business and it feels like a huge invasion of privacy.However, these people aren’t going to stop me from writing on here and connecting with you guys on this site.

Anyways, guess what?

I went swimming in a swimsuit…yup, I finally gotten out of my little shell of self-consciousness and decided to not give a shit. The moment I got into the sea, I was pushed in by one of my friends. Reece and co. thought it would be funny to take advantage of my vulnerable state and recreate scenes from Jaws and grab me by the ankles which ended up with me having to swim away from them.  It was a very fun day 🙂

How has your week been? Or how did your exams go? Please tell me as I need a serious catch up with you guys 🙂

My secret project will be announced very soon and I can’t wait for you guys to get involved 🙂

See you tomorrow,

Astrid xxx

aka Hideaway Girl xxx

Was it tipsy or being just damn happy?

Hi everyone! I wasn’t sure if to post this blog post yesterday but I asked my blogging friends and they said it’s my blog so it’s my decision. And this blog post, will include a disclaimer which I don’t think I’ve ever done *shock*

Disclaimer: this blog post isn’t encouraging alcohol or anything like that. This is just what happened at my friends house the other day.

As I’m getting older, this blog is going to become more mature and have topics which most young children wouldn’t experience but as most of my readers at the moment are my age or older, I thought it would be okay to write about this kind of stuff now.

So if you saw my last blog post, you could see that I was really nervous about going camping with my friends. I would recommend reading that blog post before reading the rest as then you’ll have the full story.

Anyways, I did go in the hot tub. *Congrats Astrid, you actually decided to strip and not give a shit what the others thought* But I had a shirt on because I was wearing a very boobie out swim suit (as I got it about 2 years ago but never bothered to buy a new one as I never go swimming).  The hot tub was okay but I kept getting kicked in the vagina by thousands of feet as it was pretty small and only 4 people were meant to be in there so I didn’t stay in there for that long.

We ordered chinese and one of my friends brought alcohol which was only enough for about 3 people. I paid for one and my other friend drank a ‘shit mix’ (I think you can get what that means). Anyways, that was like 80% pure alcohol but mine was like 5% and I drank 2 bottles. So it  wasn’t that bad but I’m a light weight and it was my second time that I probably drank alcohol without an adult keeping an eye on me. However, Reece and my friend, Lily decided to be my parents and tried to get me to go to sleep at 9 30ish but I was having none of it so David and Reece had to keep rugby tackling me to get me to bed. I don’t really remember all of this though like the party I went to in October.

My mother decided to call me which I was apparently very happy about. And my friends were screaming about how much they loved her across the tent so she guessed that there was drinks so when I came home, the following morning, she checked my awful stinky breath straight away. She was surprising okayish about it with a slight look of disappointment but I think it more amusing than anything.

Reece said that I was not at all body conscious after drinks and thinking back at it now, makes me want to die in a hole and cringe. However, I had an amazing night… kinda.

The weather was crap, it was thundering and raining so we couldn’t go to the hot tub until 3 but I was too tired to go then so I stayed inside. It was super hot, like as hot as Malaga so I was trying to get myself to cool down the whole night.

Then after the others came back, the hot tub started beeping and nobody knew how to stop it . So it went on like that the whole night.

I went to sleep at 4 then woke up at 6 to cockerels and birds chirping and other animals making noises as Vipers house is literally next to a house which sounds there is  like a farm in their back garden.

Anyways, what was the moral of this story? Nothing really but I’m so proud of myself for coming out of the self conscious wall even though it involved alcohol to get out.

I’m going to Bath tomorrow which I’m so excited about, what are your plans?

Astrid,

aka Hideaway Girl xxx

 

 

 

Make myself feel good day.

Hi,everyone! So today, it’s Reece’s and my anniversary of a year of our relationship, how gross.

So later on today, I’m going over to Vipers house with a bunch of friends (girls and boys) to have a sleepover in a tent in the middle of the garden. I’m kinda excited about it but I’m also very anxious about it. At Vipers house, there is a hot tub and all of my friends are going in there but I’m awkward and very self conscious about my body especially around my girlfriends (because they all have amazing bodies and look hot in their swim stuff). However, there’s me with my too small swimsuit so I’ve decided to skip the hot tub and sit on the side playing mastermind with Reece.

I feel very shit about myself today and everything-slightly-against-society’s-expectations is popping out at me. I need to make myself feel good about myself so I’m probably going to skip revision and try and sort my mental state out.

I HAVE SO MUCH REVISION TO DO, HAHAHAHA I WANT TO CRY.

I’m sorry that my posts have been really short recently and not full of funnyish content because I’m going through one of those phrases.

I’ll try to catch up with you guys tomorrow,

Hideaway Girl xxx

 

not shocked.

Yesterday, I was both shocked by the events of Manchester. No sorry, not shock but disappointment, sadness and well, to be honest, I wasn’t surprised there was another terrorist attack. However, I was shocked that it was in that place and with a generation of young people and loved ones who were all part of this community.

Maybe people will use this attack to campaign prejudice and discrimination towards many people: muslims, immigrants and refugees. However, I’ve heard this man was born in Britain but it doesn’t matter where he was born. It doesn’t matter who he was, who we remember is the victims of yesterday, the past, today and the future. This happens everyday and we aren’t all notified of it because it’s in another place in the world or victims of different ethnics, beliefs and religions. However, influential people are notified and they don’t really do anything about it.

Did you know that more than 200 people, mostly women and children, were killed by an airstrike in Mosul by the US just last month? Don’t forget, there’s probably been many more since then and before. Innocent killings are happening all around the world.

However, we are a new generation. We could change this if we tried. Of course, terrorism of different kinds will always exist but we can make this world a little better.

 

 

 

 

 

Getting political on this blog

Hi,everyone! I’m multi tasking at the moment, phoning Viper, listening to a English revision podcast and messaging Reece (Carlos). Viper is reading my blog right now and when he reads it out loud, it sounds so bad, is my blog childish? Oh dear lord.

During the summer, I’m making a debate group with Viper as we decided to change the setting of our arguments from the classroom where we would shout across the classroom to a more civilized manner.

But also, I was wondering if to make another page on my blog to write about my views on situations in the news or in history? I really enjoy reading blogs where they talk about current events, such as sherinaspeaks. I can’t really start my another page at the moment as I have end of year exams but I will be able to do in July. What do you think?

Astrid, aka Hideaway Girl xxx

 

The pressure of loved ones| poem

 

there is no word to

what I can describe.

it’s blurred.

it’s like a bribe

to my confused vibes.

 

i try to make it better

i try to make it work

i just want as simple as a letter,

not with all of these unnecessary quirks

 

the fighting,

the bitching,

it’s frightening.

 

to see your most loved ones,

at each other around the clock,

is a ton of rocks,

on your pressure

 

i can’t pick one

it’s like picking what density to have.

 

please just let me have both.

I love both.