I’m back with exciting things!!

Hi,everyone! Most of my exams are finally over and so I’m finally free from learning top to bottom of Lord of Flies and the romantics of poetry (give me one theme and I’ll be able to snap back quotes like hot potato). This stress that I’ve enduring during this week has been massive but also, it made me freak about how freaked out I’m going to be during my actual GCSEs….hahahaha I’m screwed.

I’m still sorting out a few projects for my blog during the summer and one of those projects will be getting you guys involved with it too which I’m incredibly excited about 🙂

This blog itself has been discovered and talked about at school a little bit which I’ve had  few taking- the-piss comments but I’m going to still continue to write on this blog how I always have done because my 2 years and half work isn’t going to go to trash because of a few comments from people.

School isn’t going that well at the moment. People have been spreading stuff about me which isn’t their business and it feels like a huge invasion of privacy.However, these people aren’t going to stop me from writing on here and connecting with you guys on this site.

Anyways, guess what?

I went swimming in a swimsuit…yup, I finally gotten out of my little shell of self-consciousness and decided to not give a shit. The moment I got into the sea, I was pushed in by one of my friends. Reece and co. thought it would be funny to take advantage of my vulnerable state and recreate scenes from Jaws and grab me by the ankles which ended up with me having to swim away from them.  It was a very fun day 🙂

How has your week been? Or how did your exams go? Please tell me as I need a serious catch up with you guys 🙂

My secret project will be announced very soon and I can’t wait for you guys to get involved 🙂

See you tomorrow,

Astrid xxx

aka Hideaway Girl xxx

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I want to go to a blogging convention.

Hi,everyone! Today, a girl at my school told me that she got to see Dodie Clark live and she has a shaker thing signed by Dodie.. and I think I’m the most jealous I have been in a long time haha. I’ve never been to Youtube meetings or events because whenever I try and persuade my mum to let me go, the tickets have already run out. I got an email from Eventbrite who asked me who would be in my events if I could choose.

For my panel, I would have:

Will Darbyshire as he makes the most interesting videos and I just love how he thinks

Katie Piper as she’s seems such a genuine and lovely person who I think would give really good advice especially after reading her books.

Matt Healy as he’s an amazing singer but also has an amazing brain with amazing views

John Green as he’s a box full of amazing traits and he would complete the panel.

I think after having a slight moment of not being to talk in front of so many inspiring people, I would ask them all ‘What would you say would be your biggest regret as a teenager?, then I would ask them about religion and then about, specific things to do with them and how they would give advice to young people today.

Not going to lie though, I think I would have embarrassed myself by the last question so I’m not surprised if they would just make me stop asking questions.

Who would be on your panel?

Wouldn’t it be pretty cool if we all made a small event for this small community of teen bloggers and all got to know each other? I think it would be great! We would have such an amazing bond with each other and build each other’s confidence on blogging because I know when I first started blogging, I felt intimidated that I didn’t know any one on here but now, I email daily to blogging friends and gotten to know them. Anyway, wouldn’t be so cool if a whole group of us met up?

Anyway, thank you for Eventbrite for emailing me 🙂

If you need to plan an event for school, a club or maybe even a blogging event, why not check Eventbrite out because they do amazing event planning and so you won’t have to pull out your hair over it.

I’ll see you guys later,

Hideaway Girl xxx

 

Sleepovers, waffles and too much coffee

Hi,everyone! It was the last day of school today so I’m very bubbly (I’m literally listening to ThrowbackThrusday on spotify of love songs) because I’m feeling so chilled and easy. It’s really different from always being busy and revising.

During these last couple of weekends, I’ve started to actually get moving outside and to do things rather than lock up in my room, revise, stress and not eating that much. It has been really releasing;it has made me focus better and has been beneficial for my mental health.

Last weekend, Elle and I, had a sleepover around hers which was probably one of the best. Before the sleepover, we went and had a coffee date where again, I had a massive latte (the mug had two handles).

We filmed the Q&A, ate pizza and then chilled. We haven’t had a day/night with ourselves in ages without other people and it was nice to spend bonding time with my best friend. Filming the Q&A was actually pretty fun and cool talk to you guys. We spoke about things which we never would really talk about without the questions from you guys. The questions were all pretty good, thank you!

After filming (I feel pretty professional saying it), we had the traditional pizza which we always gobble at Elle’s and we then decided to watch The Centipede. The moment we got to the titles, Elle had to go to the toilet but dragged me with her incase a ‘creepy man crept up the basement’. By the way, if you have had conversations with your friend while they’re peeing, it means your best friends.

I sneaked downstairs while Elle was fetching something and hid under her staircase. When I heard her coming down the stairs, I jumped out and she nearly peed herself.. I wouldn’t be surprised if she did. I have a snapchat video but due to wordpress, you can’t upload videos without an upgrade and I’m skint.. so I can’t but one day, I’ll film a video of me and elle reacting to old videos haha 🙂

After the trauma, Elle was too scared to watch The Centipede so instead, we watched the classic Grease while I edited and blogged. At the end, I danced to ‘You’re the one that I want’ while Elle just stared at me and wondered why she was friends with me but she realised after two seconds, that I’m amazing so of course, she wanted me in her life.

*singing to Stay by Rihanna while writing this*

My amazing dancing gave Elle an idea that we would dance which meant for me, singing to ‘The Sound’ at high volume while eating fish fingers. Also, we had these facemasks and these black head nose peeling things which actually really hurt when taking them off. There’s a video of Elle taking them off and she looks high.. it’s amazing.

We went to sleep quite early like 12ish but Elle woke me up at like 1 to tell me gossip and I wanted to punch her so badly because I was dreaming about babies according to Elle as she told me in the morning over caramel lattes. At like 6 in the morning, my weekend alarm went off which is a bird song and I told Elle to turn it off because I felt like effin snow white.

Later on, we had to rush and get the train to a town near us where we had nandos with a group of our friends. We then went to a place called ‘Creams’ which is an italian ice cream parlour where all the staff were quite stressy and that so it was pretty tense, not going to lie.

Anyway, I had a massive (and sickly) waffle  which you can see on my instagram 🙂

I will be blogging during this half term and I will try to post 2 videos as well but I’m not becoming a youtuber, haha!

See you guys later,

Hideaway Girl xxx

 

tad bit dumb.

Hi,everyone! Sometimes, before I write a blog post, I do a small mindmap to go over in my head what’s happened recently and well my day from the mindmap makes me look like a complete idiot. I’m going to introduce a new person to my blog and so I need a nickname.. lets call him Viper. Viper sounds a little evil but he always wears snake tshirts (he has several ones with the same design but different colour) and he can be sometimes evil himself. Anyway, Viper is in a lot of my classes and so we have become friends even though we argue 24/7 about feminism and racism. And yes… he’s a trump supporter so there’s a lot we disagree on.

However, he’s pretty funny and entertaining so I’m still friends with him even though I will admit I get pissed off with him so easily.

Anyway, today, I actually agreed with him on something. I’m actually pretty dumb..

Now, I do alright in exams but that’s because I revise my arse off for them but to be honest, I forget everything in like 70 hours or so. However, Viper gets one or two marks off from me normally but he hasn’t revise. He finds it hilarious that I revise for like 6 hours or so just to be average in the class. My brain gives up with me.

My first class today was sport which I hate but we’re doing trampolining so I find it pretty fun to just bounce around and sing lyrics really loud that a Year 9 GCSE sport  class gets to play basketball with my lovely singing of Mr.Brightside in the background. Me being me, I have always nearly fallen off but I have been blessed by my legs to stumble on the trampoline before actually landing on my face.

However, today was kinda different.

While I was getting off the trampoline, after my performance of the usual Riptide and jumping with my hands pumping in the air, I decided that I was going to be a little spontaneous and get off the trampoline aa different way. So I jumped.  A very stupid idea if you’re wearing socks and you have a tendency to be clumsy  as it ends like this:

image-1

Credits to Elle who decided to capture the moment and decide to show the whole year of my failure on Snapchat. What a great friend.

Also don’t you just love how my friends don’t even try to help me get up but decide to just pose for a photo with the thumbs up..

You can’t see how happy their faces are either as I covered their faces because of anonymity.

Falling from the trampoline isn’t the only thing that makes me feel I’m a little dumb, weird and awkward human being. There’s a list:

  1. Not being able to dab which Elle has filmed in the middle of learning Macbeth
  2. Getting the answer 14586. 2032 while everyone else gets 48.2.
  3. Falling down the stairs in a busy school building and just casually walking away while the little Year 7s crackle
  4. Dumbest student in Physics even the teacher thinks.
  5. Not ever being able to do a bloody cartwheel.
  6. And many other things which I don’t wish to admit right away.

I’m proud to be a weird human being as I entertain the class (by them laughing at me which I’m fine with as I can take a joke).However, I’m not dumb at everything. I think it’s okay to be bad at stuff which for me is physical activity and science. So you shouldn’t feel really stupid and dumb at everything because there will be things which you’re good at and other people might actually find you’re being brave at admitting you’re crap at something (which can be very hard to do). Try to improve and do your best but if you’re always going to be bad at it, don’t worry as I’m sure you’ll be good at lots of other things and that you won’t need the formula for Kinetic Potential Energy for most other jobs apart from science and maths and stuff like that.

Before I go, I want to say thank you for all of the emails I received yesterday after I published my anxiety post. They are all very supportive and it really does make me feel better 🙂 I will be replying to all of them now,

Hideaway Girl xxx

Email: hideawaygirlblog@gmail.com

Twitter: hideawaygirl10

Instagram: hideaway.girl

 

Anxiety for me.

Hi,everyone! Fun fact:I’m writing a blog post while watching Big Bang theory which I’ve never done before as I always have complete silence from the occasional Kings of Leon. (Later, I decided to listen to Coldplay, whoops)

I wanted to talk about my anxiety on here again as I don’t like to talk about it with any of my friends, family or even Carlos at the moment as I feel like it just isn’t something they want to hear so I thought I would write a blog post on it. It’s also easier for me to write rather than to talk about it.

Today, in psychology, my teacher started talking about phobias and anxiety, and how herself has had anxiety and has gotten help from it.It’s crazy how mental illness and anxiety has become a little more accepted than it has in the past few years as I feel like in 2013 or even 2014, she wouldn’t have dared to go in front of the classroom and tell a bunch of teenagers of her experience;I found it really inspiring. I started to feel very uncomfortable in the classroom as I felt she knew that I knew what she meant and I felt everyone knew there was ‘something wrong with me’. It was just my mind making me paranoid to be fair.

Some of you may know that I have a massive fear (some say phobia) about loud noises. I think in year 8, I refused to go outside for like the first week in the summer holidays incase I heard a slightly loud noise like a car door slamming (it was pretty extreme compared to now). My anxiety and fear got so bad that my mum decided to send me to therapy which did help as I got to talk and process in a safe and calm environment from loud noises.

However, I still get panic attacks frequently. I think they are slowly rising because of the pressure of my future exams and that I’m failing science so badly… like really badly. I can’t talk to anyone about it at the moment and I feel like I’m back to square one because sometimes, at the weekends, I refuse to go outside because I’m too self-conscious and scared that people are judging me so I use the excuse of ‘revision’.

I went to town with my Carlos and my another friend on Saturday. I couldn’t queue up in any of the shops that I went into apart from New Look (as I’m familiar with the staff,I’m a New Look addict).  I dunno, I just can’t queue in lines anymore because I get so confused easily.

My anxiety has gone from I can cope to I’m exhausted from crying and shaking all the time. I feel like it’s just pressure from school, not having a part time job at the moment and also from parting away from friends a little.

Growing up is scaring me as well which isn’t something a 15 year old should be scared of but it’s because I will have to look after myself when I can’t even look after my dying cactus. I should probably water it. I’m a plant killer, geez.

I’m not trying to brag or make you feel sad or whatever about my anxiety but I wanted to write this all day because I needed to talk about it but without having to explain myself, if you know what I mean?

Anyway, I would love to get some emails from you guys so you can email me at hideawaygirlblog@gmail.com,

Hideaway Girl xxx

A thousand of you in two years.

Hi,everyone! Two years ago today, I was in a horrible place and I needed a place to escape to. I searched how to cheer up (on the almighty google) and it suggested to write. I wrote in a diary (until last year when my brother started nosing around) so I wanted a place where I could be a little more creative and communicate with people who I didn’t see everyday. So that’s why I wrote a blog.

Two years later, I’ve reached 1000 followers and I’ve grown up with bloggers who I’ve been reading for ages. I’ve made friends on here who I’m inspired by everyday, who cheer me up and who continue to support me. And I can’t believe there’s now 1000 of you. There’s towns in America which have a smaller population than I do on this blog and it blows my mind that I have that many followers.

Geez, I feel like I’ve grown up on my blog hugely. I’ve learnt so many lessons on here and have communicated with people across the world, from all types of households and all different periods of life. I feel like this blog is something so much more than a hobby now, it’s a place where I meet my friends from all over the world.

There’s so many people who I’m incredibly proud of in this blogging community and whose blog posts really do inspire me. Every single one of you means something to me and I may not know every single one of you but I still have a sense of love when I see a new follower.

Thank you to my best friend and the only person who I can talk about anything (in horrific detail), Elle. Even though you always nag at me for my spelling mistakes, it has made me a little more grammatical correct and I think a few of my readers will love you for that. I promise I will complete that cringey novel for you…one day 😉

Thank you,Carlos, for always being there when I need a little more self belief and always having an interest in my blogging world. And thank you for replying to tweets when I’m eating greasy chips and having to retype things when I can’t decide what to say in a tweet. It’s actually really helpful 🙂

Thank you to Elm for being the most influential person in this blogging community. Your blog posts and your comments always speak out to me and you make me feel not alone on the internet. You’re a brilliant friend and I don’t think I would be as comfortable on this blogging world without you. Thank you so much.

Anyway, recently, I get emails everyday from teenagers and sometimes even adults asking for tips. I’m going to admit that I don’t reply to all of them as it’s normally the same question but I do love replying to the emails that really do touch my heart. My tip is to have fun, not to worry about your followers and make friends on here which may even turn out to be life long friends.

Everyone says that this generation is wasting their life on the internet. For me, I’ve learnt things that I never would, I’ve made friends on the internet who make my day a little bit better and I’ve done things which I never would have if I didn’t have my blog.

At The 1975 concert, Matty Healy made a speech about our generation and it keeps playing in my mind and so I thought I would show you it..

I know this hasn’t got anything to do with my 2 year anniversary but I thought I would show you guys because it did come back to my mind often and I know it will do that to a lot of you.

Let’s be the generation that finally changes something and thank you for making me smile,

Hideaway Girl xxx

 

 

my five favourite books 2016| Book chatter.

Hi,everyone! So it’s the end of 2016 so I’ve decided to write Top 5  books that I’ve read this year that I highly recommend. This year, I’ve done really well at keeping top of Goodreads and making sure to always tell you guys what I’m reading (which you can always see on the side of my blog or if you follow me on Goodreads).

*by the way, this isn’t sponsored by Goodreads. I just really love the app*

Keys and I always fangirl over our favorite books while we are meant to be revising Spanish verbs so you don’t know how happy I am to talk about books for hours. So grab a cup of tea and let’s have a chat about books 🙂

I’m not a big fan on biographies but I really found ‘Beautiful Ever After‘ by Katie Piper the most inspirational book this year. Katie Piper is a survivor of rape and acid attack from her ex boyfriend. When her life was at the most difficult, she never thought she would be able to get into the position she is in today. She still suffers from anxiety and is still undergoing surgery (I think). I feel like her book really helped me look at my anxiety which may not be on the same level as hers but made me feel a little bit better. Katie Piper should be a role model for all teenage girls instead of Kylie Jenner. This book was surprisingly very emotional and had a whole interesting journey in it.  You just need to read this book;it makes you have a different view on looks and maybe, even help you cope with your own anxiety.

I don’t follow series of books anymore as I normally get a bit bored of them but the 5th Wave is a series that I’m definitely going to carry on next year. Accidently, I picked to read ‘The 5th Wave‘ by Rick Yancey which is the first book of the series (I didn’t know at the time). However, when I finished this book, I was very happy that it was part of a series. It is a fictional book about a ‘kinda’ apocalypse but has a lot of mystery to it and a bit of a love story. I can’t really describe what this book is about as you kind of learn it during reading which I feel is the best kind of book. The ending of this book was very very good and took me by surprise. I feel like if you like Maze Runner and the Hunger Games then you’ll love this more than them by far.

The most surprising book this year is We are Liars by E.Lockhart which has a ton lots of mystery to it and well, I feel like it’s a perfect summers read. I did a little book review in April about it in further detail but I made sure not to spoil anything.

I cannot tell you how emotional this book made me. All the Bright Places is the most real and well, realistic but heart breaking book which I feel like every teenager needs to read;especially to learn about depression and losing someone. It’s not a love story, it’s the story of how two humans can become so distant but close in similarity. I can’t tell you how bloody good this book was but in my opinion,  The Fault in our Stars looks crap compared to this.

I would also recommend Gone Girl where a man’s wife goes missing and the whole nation gets involved in finding her, he finds himself in trouble basically. This was a very very good mystery book and really does bring a new character to a book which I have never read in a novel before. I can tell this book is going is going to be a classic.

So that’s the end of my list but you can always add me on Goodreads to see what books I read in 2016 and so on. I hope you have a good start to the New Year and I’ll speak to you guys soon! 🙂

Hideaway Girl xxx

 

 

 

trying to take things easy.

Hi,everyone! I’m trying to get my crap together but however much I try, it seems to break me on the inside but I’m still smiling. Sometimes, I find myself having a forced smile that makes me look like I’ve gotten facial injections.

forcedsmile

It’s complicated to explain how I feel at the moment. Some parts of the day is really good and I can’t stop laughing but others, I’m panicked and paranoid about what’s going to happen next. I just feel something missing sorta a bit like this Lily Allen song *she’s my spirit animal*

However, there’s one thing that I’m very happy and proud about today. I had a business studies presentation to do and well, I was so nervous but somehow I got through it sounding confident and well not stuttering so that’s something 🙂

Tomorrow, I’m going to be ‘officially’ meeting Carlo’s parents which I’m nervous about like I’m shaking thinking about it right now. I’ve met them before but it was very awkward and well, I’m scared they don’t like me. I can’t really avoid it now as his parents aren’t letting him come around on Sunday unless if I see them tomorrow. I’m pretty impressed in how clever that idea was to be fair.

On Sunday, I’m going to be inviting my friends and Carlos around to decorate my Christmas tree and afterwards, watching a very seasonal film which I haven’t yet decided on. I’m really looking forward to it :))

I haven’t got any homework this weekend but I need to carry on revising because well, I’m kinda failing at Physics and Biology, whoops.

School stress has been getting to me a little and I had a massive panic attack while my parents were out so I’m going to try and take it easy this weekend but still revise.

Anyway, I’ll see you this weekend 🙂

Hideaway Girl xxx

 

 

 

 

 

The perfect design.

Smiling and dancing in the cold, and somehow, calm water  fountain. I grin towards you and you skip towards me while I laugh and splash a wave of glistening droplets. You give me this look which only we know.I look at how happy you are and it makes me relieved that maybe you’re okay too. The dream ends there and the nightmare starts where another story is told. Maybe, if I’m lucky, it doesn’t have you in it but recently, you have been invading.

I wake up and look at the alarm clock every pitch black morning now. Sometimes, it’s 2 o’clock or 5 o’clock depending on how far I could carry the pain of the scenes of the twisted dream.

I eat and drink and study and watch. This is what my body has been designed to do now.

Eating gets boring and watching get’s repetitive. It’s just the same thing over and over again.

I wait and study for a future where I don’t worry about what the night is going to bring. I want to feel content and happy with myself so I work hard and play hard to make myself the perfect being.

I’m not the only one.

We think we are designed.

I thought we were designed and sometimes I still do.

Everyone wants to be the perfect design.

Most people pretend they don’t want to be but they’re liars. Everyone wants to be perfect.

So I eat, drink and study and watch.

To make the perfect design.

 

 

 

The very exciting (but scary) future.

Hi,everyone! I’ve been thinking about the future. Well more than thinking, it’s been on my mind so much these past few weeks. Sometimes it makes me happy, hopeful and excited but other times, it can make me stressed, sad and confused. Adults in my life (teachers, parents and well, my whole family) have been saying that it’s nearly the time of my life where I make life changing choices. For example, what I want to have a career in, what I want to achieve and where or how am I going to get my wants which seems a little scary as I’m getting older and (this may sound weird and stupid) I never really believed I would get older, a bit Peter Pan who decided to become transgender. I’ve recently realised that I will be old and grey one day. It makes me so sad.

I have the choice to study my A-Levels in London or stay in this tiny little countryside town where I live now. The thing is I’m worried about leaving this town (let’s call it Ilfracombe,I love it there btw). I don’t mean that I’ll miss this place because to be honest, it’s so boring here and I feel like I can’t live here for the rest of my existence. It’s a beautiful place here but they’re isn’t any opportunities and work here compared to London. However, I have friends here which I can’t seem to imagine living without. Elle and I had this plan of how we would travel to Six Form together in the mornings which doesn’t seem like a big dream or anything but I feel like I would be abandoning her and I would miss her.. a lot.

Carlos doesn’t know what the hell he is going to do but he has the option of going to the Navy which may be in London anyway but I feel like he isn’t going to stick to that plan  so it won’t make a difference to my decision. In reality, Carlos and I might not be even together by then; you never know what’s going to happen.

Anyway, I may even die tomorrow by getting run over so let’s focus on now I guess.

It’s getting to a closed in the Autumn season now and I’m actually pretty devastated  about it too. My instagram feed which looks very very autumnal has to end now which is quite sad for me to be upset about but oh well. It’s time to post cute christmas lights and tumblr Costa mugs of chocolate orange hot chocolate (it’s very tasty btw). In the meantime, before December starts, I will still cling onto my autumn postings on social media.

Next weekend, I’m going to be decorating the christmas tree but unlike all the 15 years I’ve been doing it for, this year will be serious and I’m going to be doing a pretty fancy job;not like the tacky falling thistle and broken old baubles on the fake plastic christmas tree which has been happening since J (my 12 year old brother)  decided he was going to get involved. So I’m getting my elfs ( Elle or Carlos) to come around and help me.  It’s going to be so good.

My friends have been talking about this one trip to Spain that some students (moi and my friends) are going to. I’m going to Spain in May where we will be staying in Malaga and visiting this secondary school there. I bet I’m going to the palest person in Malaga for 5 days. The trip also includes bullfighting (which I’m going to try to protest about in my awful Spanish) and dancing where it’s guaranteed that I will be embarrass myself, oh happy days.

Anyway, I need to catch up on my Netflix watchings 🙂

Hideaway Girl xxx