a lovely chocolate in a box full of liquorice

Today was a really good day. Distracting your self from your troubles is really good thing to do. Basically, I’m setting up an Amnesty Youth Group at school (which you can look how to set up one here) to promote human rights at school but also distract myself from all the crap I’m going through.

It worked out really well, I’ve only got three members at the moment however, it’s a committed group and we all have a great solid plan at what to do next.

Revision is going to plan mostly and I’ve been doing small bits but I find that makes me able to sink all of the information and also, it doesn’t stress me out! Maybe I should do a blog post on how to revise because I’m actually doing pretty darn well.

Last night, I wrote a snippet of a poem but I didn’t want to add any more. It seemed like the perfect thing to do to keep it short and simple.

Here you go:

I wanna be between

those lines on the page

which don’t lose the shine within age 

 

where life can be perfect, 

with a few troubles here and there

However, it can be checked 

and corrected. Get rid of the affair. 

 

Ha ha, I don’t know if to add anything else. I do a few short poems like this which are uncompleted but still tell a story. I never share them because I dunno if you guys would be unsatisfied by the only two verses or so.

Anyways, I hope you have had a lovely day

Astrid xxx

 

 

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i’m still stuck lol, however it’s SUMMER

Hi everyone! I’m sorry that I haven’t posted on here in ages but these past few months has/is the time where my brain is blank or running with these horrible things called emotions but I haven’t been able to type it because…I just couldn’t explain my brain right now in words and also (which I also know myself is silly to think) is that I don’t want to be depressing on this blog. I want you guys to laugh and lamely think ‘omg she’s literally goals and sooooooo rellllatttable’. I’m not relatable, please don’t ever call me that again. I still have this knocking in my mind that makes me paranoid but I’m going to seek help soon- maybe. However, I sometimes tell myself I don’t need that professional help; that I’m overreacting.I dunno if that’s just being stupid but I need to figure it out myself, you know?

Although there are other excuses why I’ve fallen off the blogging world, I have been away on the sucky canal boat without any good service and working ,and just spending my days with the few real friends that I have at the moment.

However, I have made myself proud moments during this summer and I think I have stepped out of my comfort zone. It’s surprising how powerful the spur of the moment is because you don’t think and just say yes without even thinking.

First thing first on this (short) list, is that I have decided to fuck it and go on rides which consist of height (of like 20 metres) and dizziness. Yes, they were designed for people as young as 10 but I’m greatly proud of my little victory and I actually felt pretty confident afterwards, not during though. I went on a ride called Miami Dance which basically goes up and down but fast.. very fast. Fellow people on the ride and the spectators down below were laughing at my screaming and well, at me looking paler than usual which is something. It was interesting for some but a chance (which I did not take, just to point out) to pee myself.

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The next thing is I did a adventure thing called go ape which is climbing trees and well, I did very well on it even though I was shaking the whole time but I had to look after my mum the whole time as she decided to become a tree hugger rather than being a supervisor to me.

I also saw a horror film today, the weird scary doll one called Annabelle which was ehhhh… so so so so so scary. I hated it and I literally just hid behind my legs the whole entire time in the cinema.

I feel like that’s the only interesting things that is happening in my life at the moment as I haven’t spent that much time with my friends because most of them are busy in their lives of boyfriends or jobs. So I’m just chilling and failing to revise.

Also did I mention that I’m going into Year 11? HAHAHAHA I’M REALLY NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

During my time away from here, I have been thinking about this blog and I was thinking about new ideas for it but I’m not going to make any promises but I want to be more true on here because I shouldn’t hide and pretend that I’m okay because I’m not and I have no idea why.

But we just have to keep going and breathe because it’s meant to get better and I still have hope.

Astrid xxx

aka. hideaway girl

 

I’m back with exciting things!!

Hi,everyone! Most of my exams are finally over and so I’m finally free from learning top to bottom of Lord of Flies and the romantics of poetry (give me one theme and I’ll be able to snap back quotes like hot potato). This stress that I’ve enduring during this week has been massive but also, it made me freak about how freaked out I’m going to be during my actual GCSEs….hahahaha I’m screwed.

I’m still sorting out a few projects for my blog during the summer and one of those projects will be getting you guys involved with it too which I’m incredibly excited about 🙂

This blog itself has been discovered and talked about at school a little bit which I’ve had  few taking- the-piss comments but I’m going to still continue to write on this blog how I always have done because my 2 years and half work isn’t going to go to trash because of a few comments from people.

School isn’t going that well at the moment. People have been spreading stuff about me which isn’t their business and it feels like a huge invasion of privacy.However, these people aren’t going to stop me from writing on here and connecting with you guys on this site.

Anyways, guess what?

I went swimming in a swimsuit…yup, I finally gotten out of my little shell of self-consciousness and decided to not give a shit. The moment I got into the sea, I was pushed in by one of my friends. Reece and co. thought it would be funny to take advantage of my vulnerable state and recreate scenes from Jaws and grab me by the ankles which ended up with me having to swim away from them.  It was a very fun day 🙂

How has your week been? Or how did your exams go? Please tell me as I need a serious catch up with you guys 🙂

My secret project will be announced very soon and I can’t wait for you guys to get involved 🙂

See you tomorrow,

Astrid xxx

aka Hideaway Girl xxx

Realisation.

I’ve come to the realisation that I can’t be whatever I want to be.

  1. I can’t be a politician or anything that can really impact the world. I’m not a person who people vote for, people think I’m stupid. ‘It’s always you Astrid’ when I say a wrong answer in class or makes a stupid comments. Is it because I stutter and can’t say certain things? Or is it because I’m not as pretty as my friends and don’t get straight As without revising.
  2. I’m finding it hard to believe that I’ll get into uni right now. I’m doing really shit at the moment to be honest even though I spend so many hours revising but only  for a meh mark.
  3. I have no skill. I don’t have that thing that I’m really good at. The only thing I’m good at is History but even that, I don’t do well in exams and what can I use history in? I don’t really want to become a teacher

Feeling a bit stuck at the moment. Sorry, I’m not putting this nicely but I’m having a breakdown and I feel so stressed and closed in right now.

There’s only  one year until my GCSEs which might seem far away but by the way I’m going, it feels like I need at least two years to just get a C in my sciences.

I don’t know what is wrong with my brain this year, all I’ve been feeling is stress. The people around me add to it but it’s not their fault because I don’t think they know how much this whole school thing means to me.

I want to make my parents and myself proud because I know they want to become successful and happy. But I’m really not happy at the moment and I can’t see any future job that could make me remotely happy.

I feel really really closed in right now and for the first time in a while, I’m not looking forward to the future. The future was the only thing that really kept me going.

 

 

 

Getting political on this blog

Hi,everyone! I’m multi tasking at the moment, phoning Viper, listening to a English revision podcast and messaging Reece (Carlos). Viper is reading my blog right now and when he reads it out loud, it sounds so bad, is my blog childish? Oh dear lord.

During the summer, I’m making a debate group with Viper as we decided to change the setting of our arguments from the classroom where we would shout across the classroom to a more civilized manner.

But also, I was wondering if to make another page on my blog to write about my views on situations in the news or in history? I really enjoy reading blogs where they talk about current events, such as sherinaspeaks. I can’t really start my another page at the moment as I have end of year exams but I will be able to do in July. What do you think?

Astrid, aka Hideaway Girl xxx

 

here comes the sun.

Hi,everyone! How are you guys doing? I’m really good and I’m so happy there is a bank holiday tomorrow for us British folk. Anyways, it doesn’t really matter to me anyway because tomorrow, I’m going to Malaga for a school trip and you’re going to be coming with me too, you lucky things. Yes, I’m going to be vlogging but I don’t know how much as I don’t how how much storage I have as I’m using my iphone but I’m deleting all my social media apps while I’m away so I can have as much storage as I can get.

However, you’ll see another familiar face there if you have watch my videos but you’ll also get to meet my other best chums which I’m really excited for.

Right, so I’m really disorganised. I haven’t even packed yet and I have so much studying to do but I just wanted to stay my final goodbyes before I get sunburnt to the skin (or just stay my freaky ass pale).

I’m pretty nervous about tomorrow. In some ways, it’s a good nervous but in other ways, it’s a like ah shit I don’t want to have a panic attack. Yeah, my anxiety is going to go off the roof tomorrow. Like, I’m going to miss Reece while I’m away which sounds really cheesy and that but it’s true and I know I’m going to feel a little homesick during the trip.

BUT THERE IS GOING TO BE TAPAS, ICECREAMS AND SUN.. THE BLOODY SUN.

I’M REALLY EXCITED BUT DYING INSIDE THE SAME TIME..

Got any tips for flying on an airplane with anxiety? I need some and I may even do a blog post about flying when I get back because I know so many people get nervous about it.

Anyways I’ll see you next week,

Hideaway Girl xxx

New job with a new horrible boss

Hi,everyone!  How has your weekend been? It’s the Easter holidays for me at the moment so that means two weeks off school, ay ay. Yesterday, I went job hunting because I needed a stable job and so off I went around my town. I was about to go into this chip shop but I heard of ghost stories there and I know they aren’t true but I would always be paranoid if I worked night hours. So next door, there is this vintage tea shop and I was like ‘Bingo! Literally me but in a tea shop form’ so I went in there and came out with a new job. They asked me to work today and so today, I got up and showered and went there.

It was chaos. I’ve had a waitressing job before but it was in a quiet area so there wasn’t too much work. However, this cafe is in a popular area for tourists and grannies so I was literally on my feet all the time. There was also another new girl but she has had no experience in cafes before so she seemed extra nervous. It didn’t help that the boss was a tad rude at the start and made the other new girl wash up and basically called her stupid. Anyway, she put me taking the orders and there was so many… like I think I took at least 20..

However, the boss is very picky and speaks her mind which isn’t the best thing when you’re in a crowded stressful place for the first time. I had one panic attack and it was awful. However, I kinda just ignored it and carried on. I just didn’t want the boss to see me like that as she would get even more annoyed and I can tell she isn’t a empathic type.

I can see the new girl and me becoming good friends as we just rolled our eyes when we were shouted at or giggled when we heard the old ladies bitching.

When I finished, I felt so proud of myself because 1. I didn’t drop anything 2. I didn’t swear loudly when I got an order wrong 3. I controlled my panic attack 4. I didn’t throw a saucer at the new boss.

It’s these times when I just seen how much I’ve grown up in just two years and how I’ve learnt to deal with my panic attacks better.

It’s good 🙂

Hideaway Girl xxx

Let’s make a group chat 

Hi, everyone! A couple days ago I wrote a blog post about how I want to speak to more bloggers and interact with more readers. I’ve been writing this blog for 2 years now and I spoke to Elm and she said it would be a great idea! She suggested on creating a group chat or a Skype call with you guys. However we want about 5-10 people on the group chat as it may be hectic  if more so email me (hideawaygirlblog@gmail.com) or tweet me if your interested. Make sure to include Skype, email and a link to your blog so I can figure out who is who 

I’m so looking forward to this, 

Hideaway Girl xxx 

I want to go to a blogging convention.

Hi,everyone! Today, a girl at my school told me that she got to see Dodie Clark live and she has a shaker thing signed by Dodie.. and I think I’m the most jealous I have been in a long time haha. I’ve never been to Youtube meetings or events because whenever I try and persuade my mum to let me go, the tickets have already run out. I got an email from Eventbrite who asked me who would be in my events if I could choose.

For my panel, I would have:

Will Darbyshire as he makes the most interesting videos and I just love how he thinks

Katie Piper as she’s seems such a genuine and lovely person who I think would give really good advice especially after reading her books.

Matt Healy as he’s an amazing singer but also has an amazing brain with amazing views

John Green as he’s a box full of amazing traits and he would complete the panel.

I think after having a slight moment of not being to talk in front of so many inspiring people, I would ask them all ‘What would you say would be your biggest regret as a teenager?, then I would ask them about religion and then about, specific things to do with them and how they would give advice to young people today.

Not going to lie though, I think I would have embarrassed myself by the last question so I’m not surprised if they would just make me stop asking questions.

Who would be on your panel?

Wouldn’t it be pretty cool if we all made a small event for this small community of teen bloggers and all got to know each other? I think it would be great! We would have such an amazing bond with each other and build each other’s confidence on blogging because I know when I first started blogging, I felt intimidated that I didn’t know any one on here but now, I email daily to blogging friends and gotten to know them. Anyway, wouldn’t be so cool if a whole group of us met up?

Anyway, thank you for Eventbrite for emailing me 🙂

If you need to plan an event for school, a club or maybe even a blogging event, why not check Eventbrite out because they do amazing event planning and so you won’t have to pull out your hair over it.

I’ll see you guys later,

Hideaway Girl xxx