I’m back with exciting things!!

Hi,everyone! Most of my exams are finally over and so I’m finally free from learning top to bottom of Lord of Flies and the romantics of poetry (give me one theme and I’ll be able to snap back quotes like hot potato). This stress that I’ve enduring during this week has been massive but also, it made me freak about how freaked out I’m going to be during my actual GCSEs….hahahaha I’m screwed.

I’m still sorting out a few projects for my blog during the summer and one of those projects will be getting you guys involved with it too which I’m incredibly excited about 🙂

This blog itself has been discovered and talked about at school a little bit which I’ve had  few taking- the-piss comments but I’m going to still continue to write on this blog how I always have done because my 2 years and half work isn’t going to go to trash because of a few comments from people.

School isn’t going that well at the moment. People have been spreading stuff about me which isn’t their business and it feels like a huge invasion of privacy.However, these people aren’t going to stop me from writing on here and connecting with you guys on this site.

Anyways, guess what?

I went swimming in a swimsuit…yup, I finally gotten out of my little shell of self-consciousness and decided to not give a shit. The moment I got into the sea, I was pushed in by one of my friends. Reece and co. thought it would be funny to take advantage of my vulnerable state and recreate scenes from Jaws and grab me by the ankles which ended up with me having to swim away from them.  It was a very fun day 🙂

How has your week been? Or how did your exams go? Please tell me as I need a serious catch up with you guys 🙂

My secret project will be announced very soon and I can’t wait for you guys to get involved 🙂

See you tomorrow,

Astrid xxx

aka Hideaway Girl xxx

Realisation.

I’ve come to the realisation that I can’t be whatever I want to be.

  1. I can’t be a politician or anything that can really impact the world. I’m not a person who people vote for, people think I’m stupid. ‘It’s always you Astrid’ when I say a wrong answer in class or makes a stupid comments. Is it because I stutter and can’t say certain things? Or is it because I’m not as pretty as my friends and don’t get straight As without revising.
  2. I’m finding it hard to believe that I’ll get into uni right now. I’m doing really shit at the moment to be honest even though I spend so many hours revising but only  for a meh mark.
  3. I have no skill. I don’t have that thing that I’m really good at. The only thing I’m good at is History but even that, I don’t do well in exams and what can I use history in? I don’t really want to become a teacher

Feeling a bit stuck at the moment. Sorry, I’m not putting this nicely but I’m having a breakdown and I feel so stressed and closed in right now.

There’s only  one year until my GCSEs which might seem far away but by the way I’m going, it feels like I need at least two years to just get a C in my sciences.

I don’t know what is wrong with my brain this year, all I’ve been feeling is stress. The people around me add to it but it’s not their fault because I don’t think they know how much this whole school thing means to me.

I want to make my parents and myself proud because I know they want to become successful and happy. But I’m really not happy at the moment and I can’t see any future job that could make me remotely happy.

I feel really really closed in right now and for the first time in a while, I’m not looking forward to the future. The future was the only thing that really kept me going.

 

 

 

Getting political on this blog

Hi,everyone! I’m multi tasking at the moment, phoning Viper, listening to a English revision podcast and messaging Reece (Carlos). Viper is reading my blog right now and when he reads it out loud, it sounds so bad, is my blog childish? Oh dear lord.

During the summer, I’m making a debate group with Viper as we decided to change the setting of our arguments from the classroom where we would shout across the classroom to a more civilized manner.

But also, I was wondering if to make another page on my blog to write about my views on situations in the news or in history? I really enjoy reading blogs where they talk about current events, such as sherinaspeaks. I can’t really start my another page at the moment as I have end of year exams but I will be able to do in July. What do you think?

Astrid, aka Hideaway Girl xxx

 

here comes the sun.

Hi,everyone! How are you guys doing? I’m really good and I’m so happy there is a bank holiday tomorrow for us British folk. Anyways, it doesn’t really matter to me anyway because tomorrow, I’m going to Malaga for a school trip and you’re going to be coming with me too, you lucky things. Yes, I’m going to be vlogging but I don’t know how much as I don’t how how much storage I have as I’m using my iphone but I’m deleting all my social media apps while I’m away so I can have as much storage as I can get.

However, you’ll see another familiar face there if you have watch my videos but you’ll also get to meet my other best chums which I’m really excited for.

Right, so I’m really disorganised. I haven’t even packed yet and I have so much studying to do but I just wanted to stay my final goodbyes before I get sunburnt to the skin (or just stay my freaky ass pale).

I’m pretty nervous about tomorrow. In some ways, it’s a good nervous but in other ways, it’s a like ah shit I don’t want to have a panic attack. Yeah, my anxiety is going to go off the roof tomorrow. Like, I’m going to miss Reece while I’m away which sounds really cheesy and that but it’s true and I know I’m going to feel a little homesick during the trip.

BUT THERE IS GOING TO BE TAPAS, ICECREAMS AND SUN.. THE BLOODY SUN.

I’M REALLY EXCITED BUT DYING INSIDE THE SAME TIME..

Got any tips for flying on an airplane with anxiety? I need some and I may even do a blog post about flying when I get back because I know so many people get nervous about it.

Anyways I’ll see you next week,

Hideaway Girl xxx

New job with a new horrible boss

Hi,everyone!  How has your weekend been? It’s the Easter holidays for me at the moment so that means two weeks off school, ay ay. Yesterday, I went job hunting because I needed a stable job and so off I went around my town. I was about to go into this chip shop but I heard of ghost stories there and I know they aren’t true but I would always be paranoid if I worked night hours. So next door, there is this vintage tea shop and I was like ‘Bingo! Literally me but in a tea shop form’ so I went in there and came out with a new job. They asked me to work today and so today, I got up and showered and went there.

It was chaos. I’ve had a waitressing job before but it was in a quiet area so there wasn’t too much work. However, this cafe is in a popular area for tourists and grannies so I was literally on my feet all the time. There was also another new girl but she has had no experience in cafes before so she seemed extra nervous. It didn’t help that the boss was a tad rude at the start and made the other new girl wash up and basically called her stupid. Anyway, she put me taking the orders and there was so many… like I think I took at least 20..

However, the boss is very picky and speaks her mind which isn’t the best thing when you’re in a crowded stressful place for the first time. I had one panic attack and it was awful. However, I kinda just ignored it and carried on. I just didn’t want the boss to see me like that as she would get even more annoyed and I can tell she isn’t a empathic type.

I can see the new girl and me becoming good friends as we just rolled our eyes when we were shouted at or giggled when we heard the old ladies bitching.

When I finished, I felt so proud of myself because 1. I didn’t drop anything 2. I didn’t swear loudly when I got an order wrong 3. I controlled my panic attack 4. I didn’t throw a saucer at the new boss.

It’s these times when I just seen how much I’ve grown up in just two years and how I’ve learnt to deal with my panic attacks better.

It’s good 🙂

Hideaway Girl xxx

Let’s make a group chat 

Hi, everyone! A couple days ago I wrote a blog post about how I want to speak to more bloggers and interact with more readers. I’ve been writing this blog for 2 years now and I spoke to Elm and she said it would be a great idea! She suggested on creating a group chat or a Skype call with you guys. However we want about 5-10 people on the group chat as it may be hectic  if more so email me (hideawaygirlblog@gmail.com) or tweet me if your interested. Make sure to include Skype, email and a link to your blog so I can figure out who is who 

I’m so looking forward to this, 

Hideaway Girl xxx 

I want to go to a blogging convention.

Hi,everyone! Today, a girl at my school told me that she got to see Dodie Clark live and she has a shaker thing signed by Dodie.. and I think I’m the most jealous I have been in a long time haha. I’ve never been to Youtube meetings or events because whenever I try and persuade my mum to let me go, the tickets have already run out. I got an email from Eventbrite who asked me who would be in my events if I could choose.

For my panel, I would have:

Will Darbyshire as he makes the most interesting videos and I just love how he thinks

Katie Piper as she’s seems such a genuine and lovely person who I think would give really good advice especially after reading her books.

Matt Healy as he’s an amazing singer but also has an amazing brain with amazing views

John Green as he’s a box full of amazing traits and he would complete the panel.

I think after having a slight moment of not being to talk in front of so many inspiring people, I would ask them all ‘What would you say would be your biggest regret as a teenager?, then I would ask them about religion and then about, specific things to do with them and how they would give advice to young people today.

Not going to lie though, I think I would have embarrassed myself by the last question so I’m not surprised if they would just make me stop asking questions.

Who would be on your panel?

Wouldn’t it be pretty cool if we all made a small event for this small community of teen bloggers and all got to know each other? I think it would be great! We would have such an amazing bond with each other and build each other’s confidence on blogging because I know when I first started blogging, I felt intimidated that I didn’t know any one on here but now, I email daily to blogging friends and gotten to know them. Anyway, wouldn’t be so cool if a whole group of us met up?

Anyway, thank you for Eventbrite for emailing me 🙂

If you need to plan an event for school, a club or maybe even a blogging event, why not check Eventbrite out because they do amazing event planning and so you won’t have to pull out your hair over it.

I’ll see you guys later,

Hideaway Girl xxx

 

My initial reaction|a short little poem

My initial reaction to love,

once upon a time,

was me being tired of the word.

My mouth would become this sour lime.

and I would slur so I could be heard.

 

A boy telling he liked me,

would always end with me laughing,

with the pure confession why he surprised me,

and why on earth, he didn’t despised me.

 

‘Yeah good one’

was always what I said,

but the boy didn’t find it good fun,

but looked at me like I had a handgun.

 

I look back,

and roll my eyes.

and want to hijack the past

where I didn’t like my size,

where I didn’t like my freckles

where I would refuse to wear my specs.

 

Oh how I wish I loved myself a little more.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was engaged to a 5o year old.

Hi,everyone! And god, I love you guys so much…. *rudely interrupted by Ed Sheeran’s weird and slightly disturbing huffing vocal thing in the new song Barcelona and now, I’m dancing while pretending to be in Malaga already…BARCELONA.. BARCELONA…BARCELONA. I think I now have a new song to shake my shoulders to*

It’s friday and boy, I’m think I’m the most exhausted I’ve been in a while. By the way, I really loved replying to your comments today because I’ve been away for a while and coming back yesterday, has given me this weird inspiration to get through the day to write this blog post. It’s just weird how much I love blogging… I love you more than pizza and that’s a pretty big proposal.

Today, I’m going to tell you the story of when I got engaged to 50 year old man.

Yes, I had another man in my life while with Reece and the story begins in the tiny cafe I was working in during last summer of 2016.

This cafe wasn’t The Ritz of the small town I live in. It had one broken boiler(which made me wash dishes in freezing cold water), they forgot to pay for the holy dishwasher and the hygiene was worse than a prison cafeteria (I saw them drop, sneeze and keep over date food and put it on a plate).

Although the cafe was probably the most disgusting cafe to eat in, I really liked the customers, the people I worked with and the pay. However, there was one regular, who didn’t actually buy anything but ‘borrowed’ money, was this 50 year old overweight alcoholic who we will call ‘Paul’.

The first time I met Paul was when I was trying to master the latte (which you don’t know how bloody annoying it is to make and how many times I have wanted to pour a latte over a customer when they complained about the time it took to make it). I suddenly heard this painful wailing and a man at the till was asking where my boss was but I couldn’t understand a word he was saying as he was slurring so much and I was so distracted by what he was wearing;he was wearing a  grey vest which had the most obvious sweat marks I have ever seen with a hairy fat stomach and arm pits pouring out of it. I never saw him wear a different vest from that day and gained many other mystery stains since then.

After trying to calm him down for about 30 minutes and reassure the customers everything was fine, my boss came back from Londis to see me trying to get a 50 year old man to stop crying. The moment my boss came back, I was escaping to the sanctuary of the  kitchen so I didn’t have to deal with this man who kept snotting everywhere and looking at my chest in most unobvious way.

Finally, Paul calmed down and came to say goodbye to me. He said to my boss ‘I don’t know how you could get work done with that sexy face around’.. I actually was so close to throw a cheap mug at him, my feminist inside me was fuming. However, my boss said ‘sorry mate, she’s taken by an emo boy.’ and he replied with ‘Well, I need to put a ring on her first then’.

I thought he was joking..

Paul found out the hours I worked and would come to the cafe whenever I worked or he needed cash and an English breakfast which I hated so much because he was nice but he was so so so creepy. He always would ask me about Reece and if we were still together and he would always call me ‘babe’ or compliment me even know he knew I was under the age of 18.

One day, on my day off, I got a call off my boss who was laughing hysterically telling me to come in and bring Reece.

When I got into the cafe, my boss was literally grinning ear to ear like an annoying little brother and said that I had a surprise from Paul. My initial reaction was oh god, my boss told Pete it was my birthday again and so he’s given me a fiver.

But no, I was given this fake plastic yellow diamond ring from Paul.. who got my boss to ask me his proposal.

Of course, I said no but my boss said I jumped for joy and said yes to Paul..

Whenever Paul came in from then on, I would take my lunch break or wash up so I didn’t have to speak to him but he still thought the engagement was real. You probably think I’m overreacting but this drug addict thought I was going to be this future wife and he made it pretty clear to all of the customers. One of the old ladies would always ask me about Paul and me like we were an actual thing. It was that ridiculous.

The cafe suddenly closed down in October (probably due to how much money they gave Paul)  and didn’t tell me. However, Paul lives quite near me so whenever I see him, I jump across the road and hide. I think the engagement is off now as I saw him with a woman the other day and they looked pretty happy. It was gross but I was so relieved.

Good old Paul.

Hideaway Girl xxx