continuing/poem

This is probably the most personal and real poem that I’ve ever written. As it says, I can’t explain this thing that I’ve had for years. It has a name but I don’t feel inclined to carry it around so few know and I prefer it to be like that, however, from experiences happening now with friends and myself, I feel like it’s time to write this to show that they are not alone.

Scratch.

Shave.

Lock.

Click.

Be like a toothpick,

blinding gorgeous blood from your thumb.

It’s what the you in your dumb

unforgiving, forgetting mind screams.

 

Do it. Something will happen .

Death in your family,

Illness like once,

Bombs overhead,

Scary preying monsters

This could happen

if you don’t double check your front door.

 

Widows peak, get rid

No one will love you if it dominates

your sunlight freckles that smiles daily

hiding this voice. This scary voice

Switch the light three times before the loo,

incase a thief thinks a house is free to loom.

 

Nobody fully understands.

‘Don’t listen, nothing bad will happen’

This voice won’t be silent with other.

All in my mind is ‘click it,

Stratch it until bloodly flesh,

Keep pen there,

Don’t queue in busy times

Incase a man explodes

Just like old times’

 

This is uncomplete,

the story is continuing,

I can’t explain it right now

so let me tell you in good time.

 

Astrid x

 

 

 

 

 

happier tunes//poem

prettier wings,

sharper chirps,

skinner stalks,

is what a bird should possess

 

the other birds fly away,

because you don’t listen to their

violation of that pigeon or sparrow

but you sing happier tunes,

you make up your own clue.

 

though you still cry,

though you still crave,

not a good-bye

because you still love

those memories of

flying above

with those,

prettier,

skinner,

sharper,

birds.

 

 

 

The pressure of loved ones| poem

 

there is no word to

what I can describe.

it’s blurred.

it’s like a bribe

to my confused vibes.

 

i try to make it better

i try to make it work

i just want as simple as a letter,

not with all of these unnecessary quirks

 

the fighting,

the bitching,

it’s frightening.

 

to see your most loved ones,

at each other around the clock,

is a ton of rocks,

on your pressure

 

i can’t pick one

it’s like picking what density to have.

 

please just let me have both.

I love both.

The perfect design.

Smiling and dancing in the cold, and somehow, calm water  fountain. I grin towards you and you skip towards me while I laugh and splash a wave of glistening droplets. You give me this look which only we know.I look at how happy you are and it makes me relieved that maybe you’re okay too. The dream ends there and the nightmare starts where another story is told. Maybe, if I’m lucky, it doesn’t have you in it but recently, you have been invading.

I wake up and look at the alarm clock every pitch black morning now. Sometimes, it’s 2 o’clock or 5 o’clock depending on how far I could carry the pain of the scenes of the twisted dream.

I eat and drink and study and watch. This is what my body has been designed to do now.

Eating gets boring and watching get’s repetitive. It’s just the same thing over and over again.

I wait and study for a future where I don’t worry about what the night is going to bring. I want to feel content and happy with myself so I work hard and play hard to make myself the perfect being.

I’m not the only one.

We think we are designed.

I thought we were designed and sometimes I still do.

Everyone wants to be the perfect design.

Most people pretend they don’t want to be but they’re liars. Everyone wants to be perfect.

So I eat, drink and study and watch.

To make the perfect design.

 

 

 

Another one|Poem.

Another one,

means another mistake,

another heartbreak,

means another tear.

 

I don’t want to get myself in this mess again,

All I have are regrets.

 

Leave me alone, please.

I don’t want to get to know you,thankyou.

Because if I do,

I’ll find myself in this circle

of happiness and heartbreak.

 

So please, leave me alone.

 

---

 

I’m feeling quite poetic and well, this is probably going to make me cringe later.

But tell me what you think, good or bad.

See you later,

Hideaway Girl xxx

Summer and Winter | Poem.

Hi,everyone! How are you all doing on this bright sunny spring morning? *waits for a reply* I’m actually doing alright, I’ve been watching this youtuber, who I found through a friend, called Emma Blackery. She’s actually pretty funny and I haven’t been able to stop watching her for at least four hours.. I think it’s time to stop.

I’ve just written a poem and I don’t know what I think about it but tell me in the comments below 🙂

Enjoy and embrace the spelling mistakes.

---

 

A summer glow of hair,

Rosy pink cheeks sprinkled with freckles,

Small subtle breeze of air surrounds everywhere,

Eyes all on echo on her.

 

A winter darkness of hair,

Pale inflection still,

Spiteful breath tiptoes everywhere,

Eyes look past her.

 

Inside the perfect summer’s body ,

lies a heart flowing,

with vain hatred and evil .

 

Inside the fragile winter’s body,

lies a heart drumming,

with love and care.

 

But no one notices.

All they see is the beauty of summer,

But not the love and care of winter.

---

 

So what did you think of it? I actually wrote this about two people but I used the seasons as a base. `

I wanna do a Q&A today but I need some questions so if you wanna leave some in the comments below that would be really good.

I’ll see ya with a Q&A, later,

Hideaway Girl xxx

Room 125 Part 4

Hi,everyone! And Merry Christmas for tomorrow 🙂 So I’ve done another part of Room 125 and I hope you enjoy this part as well. I was going to post it tomorrow but then I knew I wouldn’t have time so I thought I would just post it today. I feel like my story line is going good so far but there is so much more to come! It’s crazy 🙂

If you haven’t read my other part, the links are below!

• Part 1 
• Part 2
• Part 3 

Enjoy Part 4!

Hideaway Girl xxx

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Aaron and I decided that he would pick me up in his car at half past seven to go to the winter carnival with Cory and Jasmine. In the car to the carnival, we sat awkwardly, not knowing what to say. I decide to break the painful silence. ‘When’s your next football match?’ I ask, looking at of the window. Excited children run in front of the adults, happy to be out of school. Their parents seem relaxed and talk among themselves. ‘In two weeks.’ he says.

‘Against who?’

‘Bishop Bridge. Are you going to come and watch?’ he asks, smiling. A warm relief covers me and I grin back. ‘Of course.’ I tell him. Aaron drives into the entrance of the carnival, the most magnificent entrance. Glowing blue reindeers stand either side of the road underneath the dazzling lights  hanging from the trees. Vintage lamps stand on the fences with signs of ‘Welcome to the Winter Carnival.’ Fake snow covers the grass, making it nearly as perfect as possible. ‘Folkstone did well this year.’ Aaron smiles at me. He holds my hand and I hold it back. Tonight is going to be picture-perfect. We park up and Aaron goes around the car to open the door for me. ‘You’re so charming.’ I laugh and hug him. I skip in front of him and tug him to hurry up. ‘I want to see the light festival, feed the reindeers, see Santa! I want to do everything!’ I tell him. My voice fills up with excitement and I feel like an fired up child on Christmas Eve. ‘You’ll have time to do everything.’ Aaron reassures laughing. We get to the ticket office where elves are behind a booth, smiling at the customers. ‘Two ticket’s please.’ Aarons says, winking at me.

‘Okay, that will be £2 please.’ the elf says. Aaron fishes in his wallet and brings out a £2 pound coin.

‘Here you go.’ Aaron says, his voice ringing.

‘Have fun!’ The elf chirps, her smile bursting. We go to the starbucks truck to meet up with Cory and Jasmine. While waiting, I go and order some lattes for us two. The steam from the latte heats my mittens up and I drink the latte while talking to Aaron about Cory.

Cory goes to the same school as me and Aaron but we don’t have any classes with him. According to Lottie, Jasmine and Cory met at a pottery class and Jasmine took a likening to him but she found out from a girl in her history class that he was gay. So anyway, they  starting going on Coffee dates after pottery class and then, Cory asked her on a date so she now figured that he isn’t gay but straight or bi-sexual. It sounds very confusing but it’s actually quite simple.

After explaining about Cory to Aaron, I look around in the crowds and find Jasmine. ‘Hey, Jasmine!’ I shout and Jasmine turns around. She smiles and runs towards me, dragging Cory after her. ‘Hey Scarlett,’ she says cheerfully, her blond hair bouncing. ‘This is Cory.’  Cory steps forward and waves.

‘So you’re the famous Cory.’ I laugh. Cory blushes. But I must say, Jasmine has done good. He has the most beautiful long eye lashes which any girl would die for, he stands tall (even taller than Aaron) and dimples shine from his smile. ‘Oh, she talks about me?’ he asks, smiling.

‘Well. If you count 80% of time all the time, then yeah.’ I laugh. ‘This is Aaron, my boyfriend.’

‘Hi.’ Aaron says. ‘You play any sports?’ Typical Aaron.

‘I used to play football for Bishop’s Bridges but when I moved schools, I stopped’ Cory explained.

‘Oh,why did you move schools?’ I ask. Bishop’s Bridges apparently was one of the best schools in Folkstone, and the 3rd best in Kent.

‘I got kicked out.’ he says, shrugging. What? Jasmine, who never gets in trouble at school, is going out with a bad boy?

‘Oh.’ I said, not wanting to ask why. An awkward silence hovers around us and Jasmine is trying to avoid my eyes.  ‘Scarlett wanted to see the light festival which starts at’ Aaron remarks, looking at the program. ‘ten. So what do you want to do now?’

‘What about the rides?’ Jasmine asks.

‘Yeah, okay.’

 

I’m not a huge fan of rides so while they were on Oxygen, a ride which turns you upside down and flips you high in the air, I decided to take some photos for my photography class. Cory also decided that he didn’t want to go so he went to the toilet while I took some pictures. Around me, teenagers (around my age) are drinking and smoking so I decided to go farther away from the rides. I took photos of the sparkling trees and the lit up penguins. I also saw a cute couple on the beach in front of me with they’re back turned so I got this very tumblr picture. I look at the picture of the cute couple and see something in the background of it. A figure. I look closer, a female. Oh my god, it’s Lottie. It’s not just that it was a Lottie but she was with someone but I can’t make out who. In the photo, she’s sniffing something which looks like…it can’t be…but it is. It’s cocaine.

Room 125 Part 3

Hi,everyone! Last week, I put up the 2nd part of Room which I got quite nice feedback and some of you were really exicted to see the next chapter. Elle hasn’t stopped nagging me to put up the next part! The links are below for the another parts!

• Part 1. 
• Part 2. 

I love writing this and I hope you enjoy reading it. Enjoy!

Hideaway Girl xxx

---

 

I look up and see Lottie rolling her eyes at me. ‘Hey, can you give me a lift home?’ She says, her nose bleeding. She wipes it away, creating a dark red smudge all over freckled cheek. She gets into the yellow mini before I could even reply. She doesn’t take notice that I’ve been crying for the past hour and  goes on her phone like she doesn’t care. ‘What happened to your nose?’ I ask, pointing.

‘Just a nose bleed.’ She shrugs and tightens her seatbelt.

‘What were you doing in town?’ I said, concentrating on the road.

‘Just doing some Christmas shopping.’ She slurs. I look down at her lap and I see no bags. Strange.

‘It doesn’t seem like you were shopping.’

‘Why are you all moony and sad, Scarlett?’ She asks, trying to change the subject.

‘No reason.’ I go and turn the radio on and Michael Buble blares out. Lottie gets the hint that I don’t want to talk and re-continues on her phone, her fingernails tapping wildly. We drive in complete silence for the next five minutes. Lottie’s house is only five minutes away from mine so it wasn’t a huge favour. I go through the gates where a lonely old mansion stands behind it. That’s Lottie’s house. Lottie’s mum and dad are bankers but that’s not why they have a BIG mansion. The Canterburys are somehow related to the Spanish Royal Family so they get a mansion with their good relation. My mum and Lottie’s mum met at a baby yoga class when I was one. Apparently, Lottie came over and stole my Teddy (which still sits on my bed by the way) and I pushed Lottie over for Teddy. That’s how we became best friends. I swerve into the stone driveway and then stop my car in front of the red door of Lottie’s home. ‘When is your mum and dad back from Spain?’ I ask Lottie, trying to make conversation. Mr and Mrs Canterbury have gone to Spain for a couple of months for this business contact thing. Lottie gets to be house mates with her cheating sister, Jess. ‘I don’t know. I think another month or two.’ She says, shrugging. She pretends to not be bothered that her parents are not here for her when Jess (their daughter) gone behind her back but it’s so obvious that she’s hurting badly inside. ‘You can stay over mine if you want?’ I suggest. I expect Jess isn’t around the mansion very often as Rob has his own flat. ‘Nah, it’s okay, Scarlett.’ She says, turning her back to me.

‘You, sure?’

‘Yup. I better go and cook myself something.’

‘Okay well, I’ll see you back in room 125 tomorrow.’

‘Yeah, see you in English.’

 

The next morning, I set out for school. The cold morning sky glimmers above my head and I wrap my scarf around my neck which was a present that  Aaron gave to me when I turned 16. Aaron. I have to see him today. Last night, I phoned him at least ten times but he didn’t answer one of them. Slowly, I walk to school and breath in the fresh but chilly air around me. It’s the last day of school today before the Christmas holidays and all of the teachers have been giving tips on how to revise for the dreaded A-Levels. Year 7’s run past me to get to class and teachers cheer that it’s the last day of work. I get to class in room 125 and sit in the corner at the back of the class room where nobody looks. I’m ten minutes early so I wait there on my phone, looking at the pictures of prom dresses which catch my eyes. ‘Hey, Scarlett’ Jasmine’s voice intrudes my mind so  I look up and smile. Jasmine is smiling a REALLY big smile. ‘Why are you so happy?’ I ask, my face spreading into grin.

‘Well Scar, I might have a double date booked for me and you tonight.’

‘Who?’

‘Me, Cory , you and Aaron at the winter carnival at eight o’clock.’

‘I thought Cory was gay.’ I laugh.

‘So did I but apparently, he’s bi-sexual.’ She winks and starts filing her nails. Class is starting to fill up now but there is no sign of Lottie and Aaron. I look at the lonely blue chair beside me and sigh.

‘I don’t think it would be a good idea anyway. Aaron and I had a fight.’ Jasmine stops filing and looks at me.

‘What?  ou never have arguments with him!’ She says a little too loudly.

‘It seems that we did.’ I tell her. I look behind Jasmine and see the door opening. Aaron walks in the room ,every girl in the class turns her  eyes on him including Jasmine and me. My breath stops and I take in his beauty. He has that effect on everyone.

‘I better go..’ Jasmine tiptoes away and Aaron goes pass her, smiling gently.

‘Hey.’ Aaron pulls his chair out and sits on it. He flicks his hair out of his eyes which is probably one of the hottest things he could do.

‘Hi.’ I blush and notice that  my mouth was dropping in an O shape.

‘I’m sorry about what I said yesterday.’ He looks at me, his eyes fill with apology.

‘It’s fine. I’m sorry about storming out of the cafe.’

‘No. I was being a douche so I deserve it.’ He laughs.

‘Okay.’ I smile at him. Mr Tarka goes in front of the class and gabbles about Shakespeare for the next hour which I would normally hate but I liked sitting next to Aaron in complete silence. Not a awkward silence but a comfortable silence which I only can do with a couple of people in my life. I was so stupid to have that argument with Aaron. He’s perfect and I can’t lose him.

 

Room 125|Part 2

Hi,everyone! So a few weeks ago , I put up my first chapter of Room 125. I haven’t done as much as I have hoped to have done in these last few weeks but I’ve had lots of homework so I didn’t really have the time to upload another chapter.

Anyway, if you want to recap or read Part 1, then please click here 🙂

I’m very excited about writing Room 125 as it has so much more surprises yet to come! Hope you enjoy this part and please tell me what you think in the comments below. Hideaway Girl xxx

---

 

At the end of the horrible hour of blood and sweat of doing homework, I decided to go and surprise Aaron by picking him up from football practice. In the car, listening to Chris Evans, I go into the world of daydreaming and  think about Lottie. She’s been acting so miserable lately and I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried to talk to her but she just ignores me or she starts shouting at me. I think I would be the same if I found my sister making out with my boyfriend in my garage, only a few metres away from where I sleep. Lottie hasn’t seen Jess or Rob since the garage findings. It’s weird to think that Jess would do something like that to her sister. Jess was always nice to Lottie and you wouldn’t think that she would make out with Rob. I never liked Rob, he always seemed a bit sneaky and he would always make horrible jokes about people. I can’t see what Lottie liked about him.

When I get into the car park, I decide to leave the worries behind and catch up with them later. I park at the entrance of the marsh where Aaron and I sometimes meet. The snowflakes fall on to my window and I hold onto my red fluffy beanie as I get out of my car. Aaron stands, his back to me and seems to be talking . In front of him, I see a figure and it seems that he is talking to Kit, Aaron’s best friend.  Even though I’m a couple of feet away, I can tell Aaron is talking about something serious as his eyebrows frown with worry.

I walk up to them slowly to try and hear what they’re saying without trying to let them know I am here. Like a ninja, I step onto the pavement and tiptoe towards the dustbins near them. Slowly, my whole body falls onto the ground, hitting a beer can. Shot. Aaron looks up and sees me sitting on a pile of rubbish. He runs over and shakes his head. ‘I can’t leave you alone without you hurting yourself, Scarlett’ He smiles. Behind him, Kit frowns and waves a goodbye.

‘What were you and Kit talking about?’ I say, trying not to sound too curious.

‘Secret.’ He looks at me and smiles. Hm… maybe it’s a Christmas present..

‘Awh, tell me.’ I whine.

‘But I would have to kill you.’ He swings his arm around me and pulls my beanie over my eyes.

‘Hey!’ I try to frown but it breaks into a grin uncontrollably.

‘Come on, let’s go and get a coffee.’ He twirls around, swooping off a bit of snow off the top of the dustbin.

‘Oh no, you don’t!’ I shout but it was too late. The snow ball landed on my head. I laugh, happiness filling my cheeks  ‘Don’t think I’ll not get you back, Aaron Fields!’

 

We get to Costa  when it’s starting to get dark and the coffee shop is starting to get less busy. Aaron is by the counter, getting my hot chocolate and his gingerbread latte. I look out of the glass window and see passer-bys hugging on to their partners, smiling like there is no end. The homeless sit in their shop doorways, holding chunks of cardboard and grinning whenever a coin hits their tins. ‘One hot chocolate for madam and one gingerbread latte for moi.’ Aaron puts down the steaming mugs and sits in the old leather armchair in front of me. I thank him with a smile. ‘How was football practice?’ I ask him, dipping into the whip cream with a spoon.

‘Um..well. Nathan wasn’t there so coach was a bit crankier than usual.’

‘Why wasn’t Nathan there?’ I ask. Nathan never misses a practice.

‘He’s been arrested.’

‘WHAT?!’ I blurt out a bit too loud, whip cream falls out of my mouth and lands on the coffee table.

‘Ew and be a bit quieter .’  Aaron says, looking around. They lose interest and go back to their business.

‘What?’ I whisper.

‘Nathan has been arrested.’

‘Yes, I know that. But why?’

‘He was caught dealing.’

‘Dealing what?’

‘Chocolate bars.’ He says sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

‘Haha, funny. Tell me.’ I point my teaspoon at him.

‘Drugs, Scarlett.’ My emotions turn to disbelief and stare at Aaron.

‘Nathan would never do that. He’s a mummies boy.’

‘That’s what I thought but it seems that he’s also a druggies boy.’  I still can’t believe him. I’ve known Nathan since I was seven and I’ve never seen him get told off in class. ‘This isn’t funny, Aaron.’ I say, gulping down my hot chocolate.

‘Didn’t say it was.’

‘Did he ever offered you anything?’ I say.

‘No! I’ve never touched anything of that crap in my life.’ He shouts, causing customers to turn around and stare at us again.

‘I was just saying..’

‘Well, I’m fed up with you and..’ He looks at me and decides it’s not best to say it.

‘And what, Aaron?!’ I say, my voice suddenly gone croaky.

‘Your friends.’ The moment he says that I get out of my chair, slam my hot chocolate on  the table.

‘If this wasn’t a boiling hot drink, I would pour it over you.’ I don’t look back at him and open the door.  I get out of Costa and run to my car. For the next hour, I sit in there and cry. Until, I hear a light tap on my window.

Room 125

Hi,everyone! So I’ve started to write this small story thing. I’ve just finished writing my first chapter and I hope you like it! Please tell me what you think in the comments below 🙂

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The first time I met Aaron Fields was when I was in Year 7 in Room 125. Mr Tarka pointed me to the back of the History class room and in the corner was Aaron. It wasn’t love at first sight. It was more like hate at first sight. He would always annoy me in some way and I would complain to Mr Tarka. But the more we fighted , the more we cared for each other.6 years later, I’m sitting in the corner of Room 125 and next to me is Aaron but instead of him stealing my pencils, he is stealing my kisses. Mr Tarka is staring at us and rolling his eyes. And we laugh and smile at each other. Love filling our eyes. ‘God. love makes me sick.’ A voice appears in front of us and there is Lottie, my best friend since when I had braces. I smile and Aaron chuckles. I think I’ve heard her said it every day for the past six weeks after she found her now ex-boyfriend, Blake, and her sister making out in the small garage of her parents house. Jasmine stands behind Lottie and makes a gross face. ‘Lottie is right, you need to stop sucking each others faces off. I haven’t been able to eat lunch with you guys without you two publicly disturbing everyone.’ She frowns.

‘Okay.We will try not to ruin your lunch again.’ I say, laughing. Aaron smiles the dangerous (but cute) smile which nearly always stops my heart.

‘It doesn’t matter anyway, I’ve got football practice. And it starts about,’ he looks at his phone screen, which by the way, is me and him in front of the Eiffel Tower when we went to Paris in Year 11 . ‘now’.

‘Okay, I’ll see you later’ I say. He air hugs me then goes to turns the handle of the red door and leaves.

‘Good. He’s finally gone now which means we can actually have a conversation with you rather than 3 words.’ Lottie moans. She gets her mirror out and checks her eyeliner. Heavy eyeliner.

‘How are you,Lottie?’ I ask, my voice filled with worry. She hasn’t been the same since the incident.

‘Never better.’ She says, obviously annoyed at how the subject was going.

‘Well, if you ever need to speak to someone, you have me,’ Jasmine says. She reaches for Lottie and my hand. ‘ and Scarlett.’

‘Okay, whatever.’ She takes her hand away and looks again at her eyes again. I look at Jasmine and we both give each other that look that we know something isn’t right. Behind Jasmine, is the poster of the Six Form Prom. Most six forms don’t have a prom but apparently, it’s better to have a prom at the end of six form rather than at the end of year 11.

‘We should go to Prom Dress shopping soon. Before we know it, it’s going to be the end of the year.’ I suggest.

‘Yeah, that would be really cool. Maybe, we could go all together to prom.’ Jasmine puts forwards.

‘I’m not going to prom.’ Lottie mutters. We all stare at Lottie and gaped. She had been looking forward to prom since year 7.

‘Why?!’ Jasmine and I say at the same time.

‘I don’t want to. Also, I rather you go off with your dates and not be stuck with me.’

‘I won’t get a date so it doesn’t matter, Lottie. If you don’t come, Scarlett will go off with Aaron and I’ll be stuck on my own’ frowns Jasmine crossing her arms.

‘Cory is going to ask you.’

‘He’s gay, Lottie.’