i’m going through an easy breakup

By the title, you’re already thinking what the fuck? When did this happen? When did you even have a boyfriend? 

Um well. I have a lot to explain.

Flashback to 8 months ago. The 2nd of February. I was at this party; completely wasted with a broken heart over this other long term relationship that died. Fun fact: the poem let’s forgot February is about that night. It was one of those parties where I knew hardly anyone. The guy who was hosting it was a mutual friend (anyways we’re like good mates now but that has no purpose to this story) and he went to another school so all around me there were these strangers. But it was nice. Nobody knew who I was so everyone came up to me inquiring. I was that girl for that night. Not to sound like a self obsessed knob, but much to my surprise, a lot of boys were interested in me. It was so fun.

I get drunk early on at parties. So by 12, I was pretty much sober and was able to have conversations without falling over. Like every party, there was a massive queue for the toilet which is where this drunk guy was trying to chat me up but he just came out of a bedroom from making out with this girl so I wasn’t very impressed. Behind me, there was this another boy. The first thing I noticed about him was probably his height. He looked like a bean stalk to everyone else. He was staring at me the whole night. Not in a creepy way. He just seemed to keep bumping into me and when he saw me talking to this another guy, he was obviously a little bit jealous. As nice as I was, I went up to him and asked for his snapchat. He was the only guy I asked a snapchat or any number. I just had this moment of confidence to just go up to him. Of course, he nervously gave me this number.

I spoke to him for the rest of the evening pretty much. He helped me tidy up the house after everyone went. We joked around about how shit I was at tidying and he was a genuinely really funny guy. During the night, while I coughing, he got me glasses of water from downstairs. He was staying over as well but in a separate room with a group of his mates at school.

Anyways, I should skip forward a little bit because I can’t go through the whole night and everything about him without writing a massive blog post (where you will all give up reading). All of February, I met up with him. One of my favourite days ever was a snow day. Basically, he lived about 6 miles away from him so he got snowed in at mine. We went to this local graveyard where we played around and I took this photo. I remember taking it and the happiness I felt. I felt so warm on such a cold day and it was such a weird feeling.

The start of the relationship was really good. Even though we had exams, we still managed to see each other during the week and talk all the time. It was just a chilled relationship and it was what I wanted after dating a guy who was quite serious about everything.

But I noticed a few things. We never went outside. I always wanted to go out instead of watching films and what not. It was good but I wanted variety because the days sort of rolled into one. He never wanted to go outside which I guess is completely opposite my personality. I never met his parents for the whole 6 months of our relationship. Even though they knew about me. At first, I thought it was just because he was embarrassed of his parents and he’s got a lot of siblings so maybe the mess of the house? I have no clue but towards the end of the relationship, it got to me a bit. Why was he scared that I was going to judge him on things like that? Despite these things, I just knocked it off my shoulders. I really liked him. He was funny and he was interesting; there was always something new to learn.

The main reason why I didn’t write about him on this blog was to the reason that I hadn’t met his parents. I thought it would be weird if I introduced him to my blog and all aspects of my life even before he introduced me to his family. I always wanted to write about him and I felt a little guilty that I didn’t tell you about him.

The last two months of us was pretty bad. He kept messing me around. One moment we would have planned to meet and the next he was seeing his mates or just couldn’t be arsed to see me. Again, I just pushed it at the back of my brain and thought ‘Oh I’m just being too clingy’ but I wasn’t. We wouldn’t see each other for 2/3 weeks at a time while my mates and their boyfriends would meet at least twice a week.

It wasn’t good for my mental health. At times, I would think it was fine that he wasn’t replying to me for 24 hours at a time and that it was my fault. That I shouldn’t be annoyed that he shitted on the plans to meet to just stay inside and play on the Xbox. I was pretty stupid like I should have ended it then. But I didn’t. I ended it this week.

This week, he wasn’t replying to my messages for at least 10 to up to 27 hours a day. He was nice to me on text and then, he got all rude to me. It was making me so shitty and also nervous for the next time, he was going to get annoyed.

However I was happy in all of my other aspects of life… it was just him. So on the way back home from school, on the bus, I dumped him via text. Which I would never normally do but he would never see me and I couldn’t be arsed to stay paranoid another day about him.

It’s been a couple of day since I’ve broken up with him and I feel happy. I’ve handled this breakup better than the last one. I’ve learnt to turn my phone off and not message him. Yeah, I really liked him but at the end of it, it was beginning to really harm my mental health so I moved on. I need to be appreciated by someone. I’m not just someone to see whenever you feel like it. I should have trusted and followed my gut about him the moment he started ignoring me.

This was an easy breakup. Probably because we never saw each other towards the end. Of course, I do feel a bit put out and like upset but overall, I’m like excited to just be on my own for a bit.

I’m all good so don’t be worried about me 🙂

Astrid X