having anxiety with exam stress added on top, yay (experience and a few tips)

This is probably one of the worse times to write a blog post. Exam season is starting for me. My first PROPER (repeat PROPER) GCSE exam is next week which is the one everyone, in my Spanish class, knows I’m going to fail; it’s Spanish speaking. It’s an occurring giggle in my Spanish class that I can’t pronounce anything right in Spanish; I’ve been described (by my mate, Foster) to have Spanish Speaking Dyslexia. Spanish Speaking Dyslexia sounds like a jumble itself to say but to be frankly clear, it’s pretty much true. I’m fairly good at Spanish reading and writing but when it comes to speaking it, I’m utter shite. Whenever I have to speak Spanish, which again is entertainment for my classmates, I sounds like a drunk Dutch man who has a stutter who is trying to do an impression of Gino D’Acampo. However, my Spanish Speaking Dyslexia isn’t what I’m here to talk about today; it’s exam stress.

Now, you guys know me pretty well for a blogger but if you’re new, you can gather from my previous posts that I’m STRESSING out. Of course, it’s natural to be stressed about exams; everyone is but if you add anxiety on top of it, you have a lovely delicious blend of anxious, crying, stressing and depressed mess. I know a lot of my fellow bloggers and readers too have anxiety and also, have those big exams coming up. But for a moment, swipe your textbooks aways and get a cuppa of tea and sit down with me. You lucky things.

I too have a cup of tea but this wasn’t easily made this morning. Saturday mornings, for me now, aren’t a pleasure of me staying in bed and watching Jane the Virgin anymore. The new exam anxiety driven Saturday mornings consist of me with my head pushed up against the pillows, wanting to suffocate myself (a bit of an overreaction) and then, crying that I haven’t got up at an earlier time to start learning my Macbeth quotes. This morning, it started with me just strolling through Instagram panicking about how everyone has their life in order while I can’t simply get out of bed and make a cup of tea. I then caught myself and my streaming eyes in my mirror and thought ‘girl, I look like a stupid wreck who needs to stop giving a shit’ but that’s easier said than done. However, I pulled myself out of bed and got into the shower while I shaved literally everywhere which didn’t need to be shaved so I could avoid doing revision. Now, everywhere is itching. Although, now, I have a cup of tea so everything is good.

We, as a generation, need to understand that exams are only a small fraction of our lives. When I’m a little old lady, I will remember the exam halls as a small annoying ex which had no significance in myself as a small little old lady. But, I will remember my exam days as a good run with hard work being put into it but nothing in the short term but a feeling of achievement and happiness that it’s over. Although, this crap bit of advice which I just made it in head that probably doesn’t any sense to you guys, I find it hard to understand it in most situations. One situation being the other day, at 1AM, that if I didn’t put my psychology mock paper in my school bag it means I would a detention which meant

I wouldn’t get my lunch break which meant

I wouldn’t get the time I needed for brain rest which meant

I would get home and not have the energy to do 4 hours of revision because I didn’t get that small 20 minute break which meant

I would be behind my revision timetable which meant

I would have to catch up which meant

 

I would have to cram everything in which meant

I wouldn’t have time to do revise other things as there isn’t enough time to do that in 2 weeks before my exams which means

I would FAIL my exams which means

I would be poor and never be able to afford a family which means I would be living with Pete (if you don’t remember him; he’s that 50 year that proposed to me) which means

I would be even more shitty in later life which would result in a unfulfilled life.

Yeah, it’s irrational thought but that’s what happens in my head all through the day about little things. So, at 1AM, I spent half an hour in the dark trying to find my psychology paper under the massive bundle of other worksheets and crap. However, if I didn’t find the exam paper, it’s most likely that my psychology teacher would let me go to lunch because she knows that I’m bundle of stress and anxiety.

However, that’s the reality of my everyday life at the moment. But we need to keep optimistic; imagine if I didn’t have a therapist. What stage would I be at the moment.

Although, this blog post was meant to make all of us feel better and more reassured so I have 3 tips and tricks for anxiety during exam period:

• Don’t overwork yourself. Give yourself a certain amount to do that day. I do 4 hours a day but once a week, have a day off.
• Make sure when you do have time off, stay off social media. I find that I get more self conscious and hate myself more during exams
• If you have anxiety or any other worries, make sure to talk to someone about it. It can be your friend, a teacher, a school counsellor, a local GP or a parent. Get help and don’t feel ashamed.

I’m still working on myself and my anxiety so I can’t really give tips at the moment. However, my email is always open for a chat (hideawaygirlblog@gmail.com) or you can hit up in the DMs in my twitter. Anyways, I don’t know when I’m going to be back on here again as I do have to get revision done but most likely, I will be back around the 16th June. I wish you all the luck in your exams and if you’re not doing exams, I’m super jealous of you but I hope you have a lovely couple of weeks. I miss you guys already 😦

Astrid X