To me, last year

Dear me,

The old me who was 14 years old (soon turning 15, how exciting!) At the moment, you think your life is normal (maybe, a bit dramatic or boring).. wait until a years time. It’s fucking shit at the moment.

Yeah, I’m going to Paris next week which 2 weeks ago, I was really really excited about but now, it’s ruined already and I don’t want to go, I rather just be in this boring little town than pretending everything is okay because it’s not and I’m not going to pretend like everyone else.

I’m so stressed and I know people are going to say:

It was get better

Talk to someone 

Or just plainly, I hope you’re alright and that it gets better 

It’s nice to know people are thinking about me and everything, but god, it doesn’t help at all. I just want someone to sort it out or get rid of it.

I’ve tried to speak to someone but they can’t help me, they basically told me that.

So, I just want to be left alone from the people who pretend and try to concentrate on school work. School work is the only thing that really helps me to keep to my routine. I repeat this routine every night and it comforts me because it hasn’t changed unlike a lot of other things.

However, when people disturb this routine only slightly, I want to shout at them and throw shit at them because they don’t care, they want to pretend everything is okay.

So Astrid, make the most of this year that you’ve got. Go a little crazy and don’t stick to the routine because you will find yourself stuck in it.

However, don’t get pushed around  people and their masks. You will soon find out what’s behind their masks and how god awful it is

Astrid X


8 thoughts on “To me, last year

  1. I really wish there was an easy fix for when you feel like crap, and I always feel so helpless when all you can say is “hang in there, it gets better”, and I guess patience is key, but you don’t want to hear that, so instead I wish past you the very best year!


  2. I just HATE it when people think that talking to someone for 10 minutes will suddenly make all of your problems go away!!
    The me last year is so much different to me now, I’m gonna say it…. If you ever just wanna unload I’m here….


  3. Ten years from now you will know so much more and things that happened when you were a teenager will matter less. However, life can still suck no matter how old you are. You will still find yourself frustrated and lost at 25. Maybe you’ll feel a bit hopeless too. So my best advice is this. Think less about yourself and more about others. When you focus on the pain of others and what you can do to make someone else smile, the pain you feel inside will slowly fade. You will realise that life is about so much more than the toxic thoughts swimming around in your head. Maybe you’ll even find the real you buried underneath it all.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You know I’ve also experienced something like this before and believe me when I say it’s not the best feeling……I hate it when I feel like trash!!

    Liked by 1 person

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