I’ve come to the realisation that I can’t be whatever I want to be.

  1. I can’t be a politician or anything that can really impact the world. I’m not a person who people vote for, people think I’m stupid. ‘It’s always you Astrid’ when I say a wrong answer in class or makes a stupid comments. Is it because I stutter and can’t say certain things? Or is it because I’m not as pretty as my friends and don’t get straight As without revising.
  2. I’m finding it hard to believe that I’ll get into uni right now. I’m doing really shit at the moment to be honest even though I spend so many hours revising but only Β for a meh mark.
  3. I have no skill. I don’t have that thing that I’m really good at. The only thing I’m good at is History but even that, I don’t do well in exams and what can I use history in? I don’t really want to become a teacher

Feeling a bit stuck at the moment. Sorry, I’m not putting this nicely but I’m having a breakdown and I feel so stressed and closed in right now.

There’s only Β one year until my GCSEs which might seem far away but by the way I’m going, it feels like I need at least two years to just get a C in my sciences.

I don’t know what is wrong with my brain this year, all I’ve been feeling is stress. The people around me add to it but it’s not their fault because I don’t think they know how much this whole school thing means to me.

I want to make my parents and myself proud because I know they want to become successful and happy. But I’m really not happy at the moment and I can’t see any future job that could make me remotely happy.

I feel really really closed in right now and for the first time in a while, I’m not looking forward to the future. The future was the only thing that really kept me going.




39 thoughts on “Realisation.

  1. It’s okay to feel like this, but just know that you are destined for an enjoyable, well-paying job that you love. Even if it takes you a few years to find it. Obviously school is very important, but if you don’t do as well as you’d like in your exams, do not think you’ve ruined your whole life, because you haven’t. If you keep reaching out to people, and you keep on learning and trying your best in things, more opportunities will come your way later on. You have your own talents and they may or may not lie in the academical range – it doesn’t matter. Make use of what you’ve been given and you will be happy. It’s so nice you want to make your parents proud – but don’t stress too much about perfect exam results. They’ll always be proud if you keep on giving it your best shot. Good luck with your exams and your future, and remember to keep hoping. Good things will come your way πŸ™‚

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  2. You will get to where you want to be. Believe in yourself, and have faith. You don’t have to have everything figured out now. Just breathe and focus on the present moment. Take each day as it comes. I have faith that you will end up doing SUPER things πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ‘‘ Big hugs πŸ’™πŸ€—

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  3. oh love.I know its hard right now, I’m going through the same thing. But there is so many amazing things about you ❀ This may seem super silly but you are actually what I strive to be. A person who doesn't let there anxiety define them, someone who embraces their quirks! We have never met but somehow you have had one of my best friends. I love and appreciate you so much. The future is a scary topic but the future could be 5 years away or an hour from now.. You will achieve greatness.

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    1. Thank you Sarah for always being here ❀️ I’ve just been feeling really stressed at the moment about exams and that but hopefully, it will get better πŸ™‚ I’m looking forward to the summer break so I can just clear my head before going back ❀️

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  4. You are smart! I think that maybe you just don’t test well. Like you can’t handle exams and that stress so you do worse than you would if you didn’t stress. ..I explained that really bad. I guess what I’m trying to say is that maybe you know a lot, but because of the pressure of tests, you forget half the information on the subject when in an examination room. Do you know what I mean? Also, I wouldn’t sweat it TOO much because there are usually back doors and stuff for university, and I recommend, having loved your blog so much, that you go into writing and poetry or something, because you’re really good at it!


  5. I know how it feels to feel pressure at school, I’m sure it will all be okay soon! But please don’t give up on your dreams because you are strong enough to achieve them!! X


  6. Hey!! I finished my IGCSE exams last year… and honey you can totally get A* in sciences… GCSES are the easiest exams that we all will ever take… believe in yourself! I’m sure you have the potential! I was getting C in chemistry and physics and got A* in the actual exam… it did take a bit of work… But its ssooo awesome that you still have one year left! thats a really long time! Buy some muji notebooks and washi tape make fresh new notes all the way from the beginning tethered neatly to each bullet point of your syllabus and stay positive! watch unjaded jade or revision with eve on youtube or just study with me videos on youtube! It’s so possible to get A* in everything if you believe it is possible you attract what you think! YOU CAN DO IT!!!

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  7. Don’t worry about it! You can be whoever you want to be sometimes grades don’t even matter. Don’t stress yourself to much about them. Everything will turn out fine. Trust me xx

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  8. First I want to comment how shook I am seeing my first teen blogger on WordPress! living under a rock.. Hah I know smh. And second of all RELATABLE, this year just isn’t my year! which is worse considering the fact that I’m graduating in a years (: But hard work, devotion, and motivation will get you through it! don’t stress to much, well cause you know what that brings.. but find something your interested in the near future and work hard for it babes! I just wanted to say I have been wanting to start a blog for years now, reading your posts encouraged me to get up and finally start it. Thank you so much! check out my first post if you want to it would mean a lot (: xx

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  9. I reaaaaally hope you get through this! Remember hardwork, devotion, and motivation is major key! Im currently struggling with the same situation 😦 good luck babes ❀ ps you're the first blogger i've ever read since i made this account which well was last night looool check out my stuff please it would mean a lot to me (: xx

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  10. I think you have to understand that everyone goes through this, and what’s important is how you bounce back from it and tell yourself that you CAN do whatever you set your mind to. Sure, the world isn’t a place full of daisies and teddy bears and whatnot, but there’s so many opportunities out there that you can miss out on when you tell yourself you’re not good enough for everything. It’s not all about your grades, and this is honestly a concept that I personally find really hard to wrap my mind around, but it’s true. Sure, good grades can open so many doors, but there’s so much more to life than numbers or letters on a report card. I believe in you, and no matter how long it takes, I hope you never give up on your dreams, even if that dream changes a little as time passes. Just make sure you’re happy doing what you’re doing. It seems to me that writing and blogging is one of those things. It’s so insanely hard to focus on all your strengths when it seems like you can’t do so much. But remember who you are, and don’t ever stop being proud of what you’ve accomplished so far. Sending my love xx

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  11. hi hideaway girl,
    you are making an impact. just look at how many people follow, like and comment on your blog. they’re taking time out of their day because they enjoy reading your posts. i did my gcses & igces last year and i know just how impossible it can seem to get the grade you want, but trust me when i say that you’ll be okay. everyone in my year group went on to sixth form and later uni, no matter what grades they got. i do believe that you are capable of getting the grade you want, but even if you don’t, things were still work out. a lot of the time, schools can make it seem like your gcses can make or break your future, when that’s really not the case. there are so many options out there and so many routes to takeβ€” i’m sure you’ll find the right one for you. i’m in sixth form, i’m “supposed” to have picked a career and started uni applications already, but i haven’t. even i don’t know what i wanna do, and that’s okay. the time you spend figuring all this out might feel a lot like hell, but it pays off so much more in the long run. most of the people i know who had everything figured out ended up in secondary school ended up either switching gears before, during or after uni. everyone gets lost every once in a while, we just do so at different times. imo, sometimes you need to get lost so that you can explore all your different options. sometimes when you strictly follow one path, you end up ignoring all the others. i know everyone is putting pressure on you to come up with a plan right now, but you really don’t have to. just focus on what makes you happy /now/ and what you wanna do /now/ and everything else will unfold from there. i know it’s hard, but try to stop comparing yourself to different people because well… you’re /different/ people.
    p.s. i took igcse biology and am currently taking ib bio, so if you need any help or just someone to talk to, please please don’t hesitate to approach me. one last piece of advice: do lots of past papers. i’m sure you already do this anyways, but just in case you don’t…

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  12. Hi, I love your blog by the way, I’m just starting out writing a blog and I would love to know your opinion on how I could make it better. If you get a chance maybe you could have a look at it and send me some feedback. Don’t worry if you can’t, you are props really busy

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  13. Hey! I’ve just finished my GCSEs and trust me, THEY’RE NOT AS SCARY AS THEY SEEM. Yes, the new maths syllabus is a bitch, but it’s not half as horrible as teachers made it out to be. Science? Not as scary. You just need to go through the topics and SPECIALLY past papers, exams repeat questions all the time, it’s not that hard to find a pattern. I definitely recommend Science With Hazel on YouTube for all three sciences. She gets to the point and explains it clearly.


    Don’t worry! You have plenty of time to catch up, unlike most people who start in March. If you go through the science topics with Hazel and check out past papers during the summer, you’ll be 100% prepared. Even if you start in September. If you set out a clear schedule with short sessions and LOTS of breaks, you’ll have plenty of time, don’t stress yourself out about it. HOWEVER do start putting in the effort now if you know you struggle.

    I think the best time to start to strictly revise is in February/March. But remember, to revise you need to have understood, and the time for that is now. Don’t be afraid to ask questions when you’re in class, even if people will think you’re stupid. It’s your time to learn, don’t let them interfere.

    Exams aren’t the end of the world. Creative careers exist for those who chase after them relentlessly. You love to write. You write a lot. You write what you feel. That’s a talent within itself. Not many people have the guts to do that, nor the capacity. You’ll find your niche. You’ll find your thing. It’s just a matter of time.

    ENJOY YEAR 11. It’s not as bad as it seems, don’t stress out about it. But if you do, remember stress is a good thing. You’ll do better because of that small amount of stress and nervousness keeping you alert and conscious in what you’re doing. Just don’t let it consume you.

    I’m sure you’ll do great.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Hello, Hideaway girl πŸ™‚ Only the fact that you have this great blog at the age 16 ( if I am not mistake n) proves that you are capable of doing what you love and being pretty good at it! This is what matters. You are at the age in which interests change every other day. Not knowing what job would make you even remotely happy is totally OK. Time will show. The more you grow, the more chances you will get. And you will be able to choose what you want to do. As for exams, they can be very stressful, yes. But what I see here is that your stress comes from the high expectations you have for yourself. This is really great, since it keeps you motivated. But don’t be too strict on yourself, sometimes not everything depends on us and no matter how much we try, things just don’t happen the way we want. Just keep on revising and try not to think too much about the impact exams will have on your future, concentrate on just taking them. Good luck with all!

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  15. Once in a while we all need to have a breakdown. Everything seems to be falling apart, school, studies, friends, and you are just torn between everything. It sucks right now but take a few deep breaths and think happy thoughts. Think about us, every single one of us reading your blog absolutely loves it! Don’t worry about the future, if you don’t have it figured out yet it will figure out itself. Focus on TODAY, what are you going to do today that will make you happy. You CAN do whatever you want to do and just so you remember, no matter what you end up being, it will make impact the world, most likely making it a better place! You don’t need to be pretty to be a politician, and I am sure you’re pretty. More importantly, it’s always the inside that counts (but I’m sure you are beautiful outside just as well)! Don’t let anyone get you down. Comments are greats, sharing your ideas and opinions are always great! Being wrong is the most helpful way to be right (more importantly, to LEARN and IMPROVE)! Lots of love

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  16. Seriously? While you were writing this, did you even think about this blog? No, blogging is not a profession, but writing is! Become an author! I would buy all your books – as I read +100 a year it would be easy – but you would do fabulous! I have a book title for you – The Brain as a Teenage Girl!

    Listen, Astrid – you have got to believe in yourself! You are smart, funny and wise but you have to stop worrying about your looks, and comparing yourself to your friends. You don’t just get a high paying job because of your looks! To be honest, the only thing that is good about being stick thin is all the money you save on food!

    I am going to say this again – I look up to you. You have an amazing talent that everyone can see but you seem to not. Wake up! just check the number of followers. You have a low self – esteem but I can’t understand why!

    Before I end this, I have to say – You Rule! I wish I could be just like you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my gosh, thank you so much! I really really needed this however, I don’t think being an author would the right profession for me but I might start practicing writing stories πŸ™‚ Thank you so much for your support xx YOU RULE! X


  17. I think eventually you’ll come to realise that GCSE grades aren’t the end of the world either! I am sure you will find something you love and are good at. xx

    Liked by 1 person

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