Hi,everyone! And god, I love you guys so much…. *rudely interrupted by Ed Sheeran’s weird and slightly disturbing huffing vocal thing in the new song Barcelona and now, I’m dancing while pretending to be in Malaga already…BARCELONA.. BARCELONA…BARCELONA. I think I now have a new song to shake my shoulders to*
It’s friday and boy, I’m think I’m the most exhausted I’ve been in a while. By the way, I really loved replying to your comments today because I’ve been away for a while and coming back yesterday, has given me this weird inspiration to get through the day to write this blog post. It’s just weird how much I love blogging… I love you more than pizza and that’s a pretty big proposal.
Today, I’m going to tell you the story of when I got engaged to 50 year old man.
Yes, I had another man in my life while with Reece and the story begins in the tiny cafe I was working in during last summer of 2016.
This cafe wasn’t The Ritz of the small town I live in. It had one broken boiler(which made me wash dishes in freezing cold water), they forgot to pay for the holy dishwasher and the hygiene was worse than a prison cafeteria (I saw them drop, sneeze and keep over date food and put it on a plate).
Although the cafe was probably the most disgusting cafe to eat in, I really liked the customers, the people I worked with and the pay. However, there was one regular, who didn’t actually buy anything but ‘borrowed’ money, was this 50 year old overweight alcoholic who we will call ‘Paul’.
The first time I met Paul was when I was trying to master the latte (which you don’t know how bloody annoying it is to make and how many times I have wanted to pour a latte over a customer when they complained about the time it took to make it). I suddenly heard this painful wailing and a man at the till was asking where my boss was but I couldn’t understand a word he was saying as he was slurring so much and I was so distracted by what he was wearing;he was wearing a grey vest which had the most obvious sweat marks I have ever seen with a hairy fat stomach and arm pits pouring out of it. I never saw him wear a different vest from that day and gained many other mystery stains since then.
After trying to calm him down for about 30 minutes and reassure the customers everything was fine, my boss came back from Londis to see me trying to get a 50 year old man to stop crying. The moment my boss came back, I was escaping to the sanctuary of the kitchen so I didn’t have to deal with this man who kept snotting everywhere and looking at my chest in most unobvious way.
Finally, Paul calmed down and came to say goodbye to me. He said to my boss ‘I don’t know how you could get work done with that sexy face around’.. I actually was so close to throw a cheap mug at him, my feminist inside me was fuming. However, my boss said ‘sorry mate, she’s taken by an emo boy.’ and he replied with ‘Well, I need to put a ring on her first then’.
I thought he was joking..
Paul found out the hours I worked and would come to the cafe whenever I worked or he needed cash and an English breakfast which I hated so much because he was nice but he was so so so creepy. He always would ask me about Reece and if we were still together and he would always call me ‘babe’ or compliment me even know he knew I was under the age of 18.
One day, on my day off, I got a call off my boss who was laughing hysterically telling me to come in and bring Reece.
When I got into the cafe, my boss was literally grinning ear to ear like an annoying little brother and said that I had a surprise from Paul. My initial reaction was oh god, my boss told Pete it was my birthday again and so he’s given me a fiver.
But no, I was given this fake plastic yellow diamond ring from Paul.. who got my boss to ask me his proposal.
Of course, I said no but my boss said I jumped for joy and said yes to Paul..
Whenever Paul came in from then on, I would take my lunch break or wash up so I didn’t have to speak to him but he still thought the engagement was real. You probably think I’m overreacting but this drug addict thought I was going to be this future wife and he made it pretty clear to all of the customers. One of the old ladies would always ask me about Paul and me like we were an actual thing. It was that ridiculous.
The cafe suddenly closed down in October (probably due to how much money they gave Paul) and didn’t tell me. However, Paul lives quite near me so whenever I see him, I jump across the road and hide. I think the engagement is off now as I saw him with a woman the other day and they looked pretty happy. It was gross but I was so relieved.
Good old Paul.
Hideaway Girl xxx